Insomnia and Anxiety are Bad in Bed

I think my brain has forgotten how to sleep, and my body's not happy about it.

This is the second day in a row that anxiety kept me from falling asleep, and anxiety-filled dreams woke me up when I finally dozed off. Apparently, I've been such a restless sleeper, that even my little dog, who normally sleeps under the covers and spoons with the backs of my knees, slept on the arm chair in the corner of my room.

Somehow, despite my lack of restful sleep (and despite the vivid dreams that my roommates were purposely breaking my MacBook Air or that I was facilitating a presentation to a group of new hires, only I didn't know the material, etc.), I ended up "sleeping funny" and getting a kink in my neck. It hurts to turn my head now...so much so that I almost skipped the gym this morning.

Almost.

I figured, since I couldn't turn my head, I'd be forced to keep my head in a neutral, forward position during my workout. (And, believe it or not, that's exactly what happened.)

Today's workout, once again brought to you by Rachel Cosgrove:

Dynamic Warmup (You know it's dynamic when you're just warming up & you're already sweating!)
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s)
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (8x3x2)
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (8x3)
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)
Cool Down

Despite the neck and the insomnia, today's workout was just awesome. I felt strong--I lifted as heavily as I could despite the fact that my grip strength is terrible (which means that I'm going to have to do a little bit of grip work if I want to get to 40 lbs on the rows or improve my chin ups), and I even pushed past the point of giving up on the planks. I'm working hard on the whole "not-giving-in-or-giving-up" thing. In the gym and in life. I'm used to just quitting when it gets too hard--see: everything I've ever done in my life--so pushing past that last impossible rep by doing another, adding another 5 lbs for the final set, or holding a plank & keeping my core strong even though my entire body is shaking is a big deal for me.

I'm making a commitment to doing that in my outside-of-the-gym life.

Those of you who work with me know that I've been working on my composure--but lately I've been feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle. That kills me, because I want so badly to be a positive influence at work--and it's hard to do that when it feels like the world is crashing down around--and inside of--me.

But I can't just give in to the depression again. That would be just as bad as copping out on the last rep or waiting until the next workout to lift that extra five pounds. So the lesson for today is that I need to do some grip work, and I need to get a grip. That means no cheating with lifting straps or meltdowns in the back of house.

Alright then. Onto today. (Bring it!)

Kaila