Those of you who have been hanging out with me at the Dub or Fat Cats, et al. for the last few months may be shocked to learn this, but I have terrible, terrible social anxiety--and while it wasn't so bad a few months ago, it's coming back strong.
I don't have a problem when I'm at work or in a "home court" kind of setting--a setting where I know the schedule in advance and boundaries have been established in terms of time, place, and eventual meal plans. But when things are up in the air--or when my schedule or meals get interrupted, I panic.
It's especially bad at night, when I've already eaten all of my meals for the day & then have to go out...or if I have to go out before I can finish eating.
I know it's mostly because of ED.
ED is my frenemy for life. He makes me feel like I'm in control, because he lets me add a little structure to my day. And even though I'm not necessarily limiting calories--hell, I'm eating 6 meals a day!--I'm still a slave to ED's idea of how my life needs to be run.
On top of that, I'm still trying to get the hang of not being on my own all of the time. As a child, I preferred books over people, and to this day, when given the choice I will stay home by myself instead of doing any of the millions of much more fun things that I could be doing with other people.
The problem is that, because I've been pushing myself so hard lately--ever since I started hanging out with the awesome band members & fans of Panic Disorder (aptly named, at least in my own personal case) and then my wonderful, but ridiculously social coworkers--that now I'm actually falling back into that desire to never leave my house after dark again.
This happened when I was going through the depression/ED/insanity in NYC last summer, and I don't know what to do now that it's happening again. The problem with going out and trying to work through it is that a) it doesn't work, b) my whole day/night/next day gets thrown off, and c) it makes me a not-fun-to-be-around party-pooper.
So there's that.
Today's workout was late, since I stayed out later than I should have last night and then overslept my alarm. I know that, for some people, waking up at 7 am is a crime against god, but I prefer to be up before the sun, get my workout done before the gym gets full of people who want to stop my workout to talk to me about everything except why they're not actually working out and just socializing and therefore ruining my morning, and then get on with my day...
Dynamic Warm Up
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s) -->raised weights on woodchop
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (8x3x2) -->raised weights on squats & shoulder press
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (8x3)
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)
Cool Down
Anyway. Sorry to dump that on all of you out there in internet-land, but I needed to write it. I'm going to go run errands and wait for the A/C guy to come and fix our air conditioning before the roof caves in....
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| How does this HAPPEN??? |
unless your AC is on your roof, you have a leak in your roof. needs to get fixed quick or it can collapse (unless its bad enough already since it is showing).
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