Just a quick update before I go to bed--and yes, I realize that it's not even 9 pm as I write this. But my leg hurts and sleeping is a much better alternative to being awake right now. I'll return to story time as soon as I feel less depressed and more like putting the effort into writing something of substance.
I went to a new orthopedist today. Same diagnosis with the ankle, although at least this guy actually took the time to look at it.
The real shocker came when he took a look at my knee: it's not just bursitis. That sucker is infected. Cellulitis. Woo.
The question is: HOW? I don't have any cuts or anything on or around my knee.
I'm slightly worried, because it MAY be related to the cellulitis I had in my hand earlier this month. I have chronically, painfully, excessively dry skin on my hands, and it cracks when the dryness gets bad. Couple that with a job that requires me to shake hundreds of hands daily & touch ipads and track pads that have been soiled with the bacteria of the mall-going hordes, and you have a recipe for disaster.
I'm scared that if these things are related, then the antibiotics might not work (again). Or that it could mean something more serious.
All I know is that, right now, my knee is killing me. It's swollen to the point where it's two times larger than the other knee.
How the hell did the ER doctor not catch this???
Sigh. I hate everything.
Bed.
Kaila
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...
...to bring you this important newsflash:
My body is fucked.
I'm sorry to have disappeared from the blogosphere for a few days, but things have been rather bad in injury-ville.
My ankle has been giving me trouble, and, while I've been attempting to partially weight-bear at home, I've been using crutches as much as possible. And while I've been going to the gym, I've been doing seated upper body work & light stationary bicycling.
I even took yesterday off. So when my knee started to randomly feel like it was bruising while I was standing (on one leg & supported by crutches) & helping my customers at the Personal Setup table yesterday, I had little cause for concern.
That is, until I sat down to talk with one of the Experts & rolled up my pant leg & saw THIS:
My body is fucked.
I'm sorry to have disappeared from the blogosphere for a few days, but things have been rather bad in injury-ville.
My ankle has been giving me trouble, and, while I've been attempting to partially weight-bear at home, I've been using crutches as much as possible. And while I've been going to the gym, I've been doing seated upper body work & light stationary bicycling.
I even took yesterday off. So when my knee started to randomly feel like it was bruising while I was standing (on one leg & supported by crutches) & helping my customers at the Personal Setup table yesterday, I had little cause for concern.
That is, until I sat down to talk with one of the Experts & rolled up my pant leg & saw THIS:
 |
| ow. |
The pain got progressively worse as the day wore on. And when I stood up after elevating the leg through lunch, I nearly screamed from the pain. It got to the point where the process of stabilizing my leg while crutching my way through the mall was enough to start tears streaming down my face.
Needless to say, I left work early--and, by "left work early," I mean "the business team wheeled me out of the store in a wheelchair." And while I'm infinitely grateful to them, I was embarrassed as hell.
I drove myself, with my left leg, to the hospital. I sat in the waiting room for two hours, and spent another half hour waiting for a doctor once in the examination room. The diagnosis? Bursitis. The explanation for how I got it while not-weight-bearing at the Personal Setup table, "Um, I don't know."
The nurse who put the ace bandage & leg immobilizer on me said, "It almost looks like gout. But that's an old man's disease."
Why is it that all of the healthcare professionals I've interacted with this month sound like a bunch of idiots who don't know what they're talking about? What did I do to deserve shitty health care?
Anyway.
I'm getting an MRI tomorrow. I didn't work out today. People have been making that "I pity you" face at me all day. I currently hate my life.
Also, the inflammation has actually gotten worse:
 |
| fuck. me. |
I'm currently icing my leg and contemplating easy home remedies, such as using a steak knife for amputation.
I give up; I really do. I know I deserve all of these injuries, after the way I treated my body for the last 10 years. But paying the piper sucks, no matter when or how the payment comes up due.
I miss the gym.
Kaila
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Go Go Gadget Exposition:
Before we continue the story:
1. Ankle update: a) work is incredibly hard on crutches b) the stationary bike, despite being a non-weightbearing exercise, hurts me like a motherfucker.
2. I apologize in advance for the length of Part 2 of this story. It's the longest leg of my journey through ED. Bear with me.
Go go Gadget Exposition:
Sophomore year at Columbia was rough. I was fortunate enough to have the BEST ROOMMATE in the world, the amazing company of Shannon & Mark, who kept me (in)sane through Creative Writing, and a lead role in one of my favorite plays in the universe, Tom Stoppard's The Real Thing.
Once The Real Thing ended, however, and the semester wound down, I found myself sinking even deeper into a food-fueled depression. I was in a situation codenamed SOL (shit out of luck):
In high school, I had taken about 8 grillion college credits through the AP program & passed all of the tests with flying colors (with the exception of statistics, which was a hilarious waste of my high school's resources & credit hours). I had also taken the maximum number of credits at Columbia every semester (21), and even petitioned to take more one semester.
Because I had gained so many credits, transferring to a Florida school to take advantage of my Bright Futures scholarship was impossible: I had not only already earned my Associate's degree--with the exception of one math & one science class--, I had already completed nearly all of the requirements for an English major. Not only wouldn't the schools accept me as a senior, but I was also hindered by the fact that I hadn't technically completed my AA.
The University of Central Florida accepted me after hearing my sob story, but when I went down over Thanksgiving/my birthday of 2006, I was so depressed by the campus & the school that I considered dropping out of college altogether instead of transferring.
Somehow, however, the English department of the University of Florida decided to make an exception. The accepted me as a senior on the condition that I finish my AA in the next year. I took them up on it &, come January, I packed up my grandmother's car & moved to Gainesville, Florida.
I should have known that things were going to go awry when my tire exploded on the Turnpike on my way up to school. Murphy & his damn law have never been particularly nice to me...
To put it nicely, I was miserable in Gainesville. I was leaving the center of the apathetic intelligentsia & entering the center of all things sports & athletics related. Here, we celebrated football victories (like the National Championship, which we won on my first day of school); at Columbia we asked, "We have a football team?!" At UF sorority girls in itty bitty tank tops ran around campus all day; at Columbia, we layered in scarves & sweaters so we could get milkshakes from Tom's or giant slices of pizza from Koronet's at 4 am.
I was fortunate enough to have one of my closest high school friends find me an apartment in the same complex in which she lived (3 miles from the school, around the corner from I-75, and right across the street from the "Beef Teaching Unit," which was just a glorified way of saying "cow pasture"). Nevertheless, I started the new year & the new semester with nothing but trepidation & sadness.
More soon...
1. Ankle update: a) work is incredibly hard on crutches b) the stationary bike, despite being a non-weightbearing exercise, hurts me like a motherfucker.
2. I apologize in advance for the length of Part 2 of this story. It's the longest leg of my journey through ED. Bear with me.
Go go Gadget Exposition:
Sophomore year at Columbia was rough. I was fortunate enough to have the BEST ROOMMATE in the world, the amazing company of Shannon & Mark, who kept me (in)sane through Creative Writing, and a lead role in one of my favorite plays in the universe, Tom Stoppard's The Real Thing.
 |
| Greatest roommate in the entire universe. I am so lucky that I got to spend even a semester sharing a space--and a nest--with Ana. |
Once The Real Thing ended, however, and the semester wound down, I found myself sinking even deeper into a food-fueled depression. I was in a situation codenamed SOL (shit out of luck):
Because I had gained so many credits, transferring to a Florida school to take advantage of my Bright Futures scholarship was impossible: I had not only already earned my Associate's degree--with the exception of one math & one science class--, I had already completed nearly all of the requirements for an English major. Not only wouldn't the schools accept me as a senior, but I was also hindered by the fact that I hadn't technically completed my AA.
The University of Central Florida accepted me after hearing my sob story, but when I went down over Thanksgiving/my birthday of 2006, I was so depressed by the campus & the school that I considered dropping out of college altogether instead of transferring.
Somehow, however, the English department of the University of Florida decided to make an exception. The accepted me as a senior on the condition that I finish my AA in the next year. I took them up on it &, come January, I packed up my grandmother's car & moved to Gainesville, Florida.
I should have known that things were going to go awry when my tire exploded on the Turnpike on my way up to school. Murphy & his damn law have never been particularly nice to me...To put it nicely, I was miserable in Gainesville. I was leaving the center of the apathetic intelligentsia & entering the center of all things sports & athletics related. Here, we celebrated football victories (like the National Championship, which we won on my first day of school); at Columbia we asked, "We have a football team?!" At UF sorority girls in itty bitty tank tops ran around campus all day; at Columbia, we layered in scarves & sweaters so we could get milkshakes from Tom's or giant slices of pizza from Koronet's at 4 am.
 |
| Believe it or not, non-Columbia Seinfeld fans, Tom's Restaurant was just around the corner from my dorm. (& later, in grad school, on the same street as my apartment!) |
I was fortunate enough to have one of my closest high school friends find me an apartment in the same complex in which she lived (3 miles from the school, around the corner from I-75, and right across the street from the "Beef Teaching Unit," which was just a glorified way of saying "cow pasture"). Nevertheless, I started the new year & the new semester with nothing but trepidation & sadness.
More soon...
Friday, June 24, 2011
I Can Has Moar Story Time?
I'm sitting here in my dark house with the rain pounding on the window, and I felt the urge to write. I don't have any fitness updates for you, since I haven't worked out in three days now**, and the only food worth talking about are the black bean & avocado brownies that I just made for one of my friends who is going gluten-free.
What better time, then, to start telling you Part 1 of Part 2 of the Story I Haven't Finished Telling You Yet. (The title changed, since we're on the prequel now.)
This story begins in New York City. The summer of 2006 is just beginning, and I have just received a letter from North Broward Preparatory School--the high school from which I graduated, and from which I received what was supposed to be a $50,000 scholarship to be paid out in $25,000 after the first year of college (assuming a 3.5 GPA or higher) and $25,000 after graduating (again, with a 3.5 or above). The letter informs me that I'm receiving $14,000, even though I have a 3.9 after my first year at Columbia University because now, somehow, the scholarship takes into account whether or not we're receiving student aid. Which I am, only it's so nominal that the scholarship wouldn't even begin to help cover the total costs even at its full promised amount.
So basically I'm fucked, is what they're telling me.
I make a decision: I'm going to work all summer, and maybe I will have enough money to stay.
At the same time, I'm also shooting past the "Freshman 15" and into the "Freshman 25" with amazing speed. Even though I'm not drinking like my friends are, I'm no longer running cross country, and my schedule is so crazy, between 20 page theses on the death of feminism as heralded by the "third wave" and rehearsals for 5 different theatre pieces (some full length, some not), that I'm eating whatever I can whenever I can--which does not make for healthy eating at all.
Compound that with the fact that the boy who I've convinced myself I'm in love with has just made out with me &--literally--the next day gotten himself a girlfriend, and you have one very depressed, confused Kaila. (Or Kay, since that's the name I was going by throughout college.)
I spent the summer getting steadily bigger as I worked for Watson Adventures, an amazing scavenger hunt company down in NoHo; Jazz Improv Magazine, where my aunt was the advertising manager at the time; and Testtakers SAT Prep, which was my first experience teaching high school.
When I went home to visit my mother about halfway through the summer, I was wearing a size 8-10 in jeans (when I was previously a 2-4), and feeling terrible about myself. I decided to start working out at the gym when I got back up to NY, although I had no idea what I was doing. At the time, my mother & my aunt were doing a cleanse called "Isagenix." My mom ordered some for me, and I spent the next two weeks utterly miserable.
The cleanse: drink a smoothie in the morning, drink 4 oz of this vile cleanse liquid for a snack, eat a salad for lunch, drink more cleanse liquid, and then drink a smoothie for dinner. If you get hungry enough to pass out, 6 almonds or 1/2 an apple are acceptable.
Needless to say, I didn't lose any weight, and all that happened was I felt tired and irritable for two weeks. I did it again two weeks later. Still no change.
I started the next semester angry and fat, and I was still poor. Which meant that this was going to be my last semester at Columbia. I would be leaving my dream school--and the Ivy League--for a Florida school, which my prep school had conditioned me to believe was far inferior. I was just starting my sophomore year of college, and I felt like I had already failed at life.
(To be continued...)
**PS the aircast was an epic fail. The doctor suggested crutches for when I'm at work or on my feet for extended periods of time. So...FML.
What better time, then, to start telling you Part 1 of Part 2 of the Story I Haven't Finished Telling You Yet. (The title changed, since we're on the prequel now.)
This story begins in New York City. The summer of 2006 is just beginning, and I have just received a letter from North Broward Preparatory School--the high school from which I graduated, and from which I received what was supposed to be a $50,000 scholarship to be paid out in $25,000 after the first year of college (assuming a 3.5 GPA or higher) and $25,000 after graduating (again, with a 3.5 or above). The letter informs me that I'm receiving $14,000, even though I have a 3.9 after my first year at Columbia University because now, somehow, the scholarship takes into account whether or not we're receiving student aid. Which I am, only it's so nominal that the scholarship wouldn't even begin to help cover the total costs even at its full promised amount.
So basically I'm fucked, is what they're telling me.
I make a decision: I'm going to work all summer, and maybe I will have enough money to stay.
At the same time, I'm also shooting past the "Freshman 15" and into the "Freshman 25" with amazing speed. Even though I'm not drinking like my friends are, I'm no longer running cross country, and my schedule is so crazy, between 20 page theses on the death of feminism as heralded by the "third wave" and rehearsals for 5 different theatre pieces (some full length, some not), that I'm eating whatever I can whenever I can--which does not make for healthy eating at all.
 |
| Doing German abstract theatre on the steps of Low Library for my friend's final project. |
Compound that with the fact that the boy who I've convinced myself I'm in love with has just made out with me &--literally--the next day gotten himself a girlfriend, and you have one very depressed, confused Kaila. (Or Kay, since that's the name I was going by throughout college.)
I spent the summer getting steadily bigger as I worked for Watson Adventures, an amazing scavenger hunt company down in NoHo; Jazz Improv Magazine, where my aunt was the advertising manager at the time; and Testtakers SAT Prep, which was my first experience teaching high school.
When I went home to visit my mother about halfway through the summer, I was wearing a size 8-10 in jeans (when I was previously a 2-4), and feeling terrible about myself. I decided to start working out at the gym when I got back up to NY, although I had no idea what I was doing. At the time, my mother & my aunt were doing a cleanse called "Isagenix." My mom ordered some for me, and I spent the next two weeks utterly miserable.
 |
| With friends in Central Park |
Needless to say, I didn't lose any weight, and all that happened was I felt tired and irritable for two weeks. I did it again two weeks later. Still no change.
I started the next semester angry and fat, and I was still poor. Which meant that this was going to be my last semester at Columbia. I would be leaving my dream school--and the Ivy League--for a Florida school, which my prep school had conditioned me to believe was far inferior. I was just starting my sophomore year of college, and I felt like I had already failed at life.
(To be continued...)
**PS the aircast was an epic fail. The doctor suggested crutches for when I'm at work or on my feet for extended periods of time. So...FML.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Reasons Not to Develop an Eating Disorder
I definitely just wasted $90 & 2 hours.
I limped into the orthopedist's office, wrote out a very detailed medical history, as well as a fairly well-substantiated hypothesis as to why my stupid ankle's been hurting, and, after taking a couple of x-rays & playing too many games of "Hanging with Friends" on my iPhone, the doctor walked in, pressed my ankle with his thumb (which hurt), and then said, "You're probably right."
So....stress fracture. Woo. Anyone ever had one of those? They're tiny little sub-hairline fractures that are often un-diagnosable because they often don't even show up on x-rays. They usually only hurt when you're doing whatever activity it is that you injured yourself doing, but if you let them get bad enough (like I did), then you'll feel the pain all the time and/or more intensely.
If I'm right, then this is my third stress fracture. Why do I think I'm right? Well, besides all of the symptoms aligning with the diagnosis, stress fractures numbers 1 & 2 occurred during the aftermath of Part 1 of The Story I Haven't Told You Yet. Let's just put it this way: Stress fracture #1 occurred about a year after I had reached my low weight of 97 lbs at 5'5". I was running cross country, and I landed funny while hopping up onto the sidewalk from the road at the end of a run. That's all it took to make me spend my very first District competition on crutches & cheering my teammates on from the sidelines. The following year, I tripped on a sprinkler head & had to sit out of Regionals.
Why would such seemingly trivial incidents result in such ridiculous injuries?
Osteopenia.
Basically, by being an anorexic (or whatever the eff I am) and not only under-eating, but denying my body of the nutrients that it needs to maintain things like bone density, I have given myself pre-osteoperosis. The good news is that osteopenia can be reversed. And I guess I did that when I started eating better through the first half of the decade. But relapse number 1 in 2007 (which is Part 2 of the Story) and Relapse number 2 (which you now all know about) must have re-reversed that trend...and while I'm up 25.5 lbs, and I've been eating much better AND taking all sorts of necessary supplements to aid in my recovery, I'm apparently still at risk.
So let my stupid, stupid, useless injury be a PSA for the rest of you. Don't fuck your body up: eat food.
Speaking of which...I've been contemplating making a life change, but I don't know if my digestive system will be able to handle it. I stopped eating red meat in the spring of 2001...but I don't know if it's worth trying to reincorporate it into my diet. I don't really want to eat it, per se, but I feel like I'm missing some of the vital nutrients that I could be getting from having red meat every few days.
I don't know...it's worth considering, I suppose.
Anyway. Now I'm just pissed at myself, I can't work out today, AND I have to work until 10 tonight. Le sigh. Off I go...
Kaila
I limped into the orthopedist's office, wrote out a very detailed medical history, as well as a fairly well-substantiated hypothesis as to why my stupid ankle's been hurting, and, after taking a couple of x-rays & playing too many games of "Hanging with Friends" on my iPhone, the doctor walked in, pressed my ankle with his thumb (which hurt), and then said, "You're probably right."
So....stress fracture. Woo. Anyone ever had one of those? They're tiny little sub-hairline fractures that are often un-diagnosable because they often don't even show up on x-rays. They usually only hurt when you're doing whatever activity it is that you injured yourself doing, but if you let them get bad enough (like I did), then you'll feel the pain all the time and/or more intensely.
If I'm right, then this is my third stress fracture. Why do I think I'm right? Well, besides all of the symptoms aligning with the diagnosis, stress fractures numbers 1 & 2 occurred during the aftermath of Part 1 of The Story I Haven't Told You Yet. Let's just put it this way: Stress fracture #1 occurred about a year after I had reached my low weight of 97 lbs at 5'5". I was running cross country, and I landed funny while hopping up onto the sidewalk from the road at the end of a run. That's all it took to make me spend my very first District competition on crutches & cheering my teammates on from the sidelines. The following year, I tripped on a sprinkler head & had to sit out of Regionals.
Why would such seemingly trivial incidents result in such ridiculous injuries?
Osteopenia.
Basically, by being an anorexic (or whatever the eff I am) and not only under-eating, but denying my body of the nutrients that it needs to maintain things like bone density, I have given myself pre-osteoperosis. The good news is that osteopenia can be reversed. And I guess I did that when I started eating better through the first half of the decade. But relapse number 1 in 2007 (which is Part 2 of the Story) and Relapse number 2 (which you now all know about) must have re-reversed that trend...and while I'm up 25.5 lbs, and I've been eating much better AND taking all sorts of necessary supplements to aid in my recovery, I'm apparently still at risk.
So let my stupid, stupid, useless injury be a PSA for the rest of you. Don't fuck your body up: eat food.
Speaking of which...I've been contemplating making a life change, but I don't know if my digestive system will be able to handle it. I stopped eating red meat in the spring of 2001...but I don't know if it's worth trying to reincorporate it into my diet. I don't really want to eat it, per se, but I feel like I'm missing some of the vital nutrients that I could be getting from having red meat every few days.
I don't know...it's worth considering, I suppose.
Anyway. Now I'm just pissed at myself, I can't work out today, AND I have to work until 10 tonight. Le sigh. Off I go...
Kaila
Monday, June 20, 2011
Whining and Dining, or, Why I Can't Eat in Restaurants
Hello friends.
It appears that my close acquaintance ED is trying to creep back into my life.
And, just like the ex-boyfriend you didn't want to see in public on a day when your hair was frizzy & your sweatpants were on, ED showed up and caught me by surprise--naked and wiping the sleep out of my eyes.
You see, I had to go out and buy a new pair of pants. My old ones no longer fit over my thighs or my ass. This is not a good thing.
So I stepped on my scale on Friday morning, and apparently I now have 20 pounds to lose if I want to get back to my happy weight. I haven't been this heavy since I left Columbia University in December of 2006.
So do me a favor: either leave this blog for a second & go to your pantry or, if you're reading this at a red light on your mobile device (for shame! pay attention to the road, silly!), pull up at your local Publix & go to any aisle not in the periphery of the grocery store. Then I want you to pull out any packaged food & read through the list of ingredients. Check to see if there are a) more than three ingredients listed, b) any ingredients whose names you cannot pronounce or c) simple sugars or starches in any incarnation. If you could answer "yes" to at least one of those things, then the food you're holding is not clean.
It appears that my close acquaintance ED is trying to creep back into my life.
And, just like the ex-boyfriend you didn't want to see in public on a day when your hair was frizzy & your sweatpants were on, ED showed up and caught me by surprise--naked and wiping the sleep out of my eyes.
You see, I had to go out and buy a new pair of pants. My old ones no longer fit over my thighs or my ass. This is not a good thing.
So I stepped on my scale on Friday morning, and apparently I now have 20 pounds to lose if I want to get back to my happy weight. I haven't been this heavy since I left Columbia University in December of 2006.
 |
| At almost 150 & a size 10 in jeans |
 |
| Me, crushing Patrick with the freshman fif--uh, twenty-five. |
So what does this have to do with eating in restaurants?
Well, let's start with a show of hands: how many of you are familiar with the principles of or actually practice Clean Eating?
I got onto the Clean Eating bandwagon almost two years ago now, when I was doing some research on Jamie Eason. I ended up picking up a copy of Oxygen Magazine, which sounds like it has something to do with that obnoxious women's television channel, but is actually a fitness & muscle magazine for hardcore gym rat women. (It's not as hardcore as Muscle & Fitness Hers, which is another of my favorites, but I like it because it does have a ton of really great nutritional articles on top of being unapologetic about pushing resistance training and muscular bodies for women.)
 |
| Can you believe this woman is over 50??? Tosca is a huge, huge inspiration. |
Oxygen is published by Robert Kennedy, and his wife, Tosca Reno, is an over-50 fitness model AND the author of the Eat-Clean Diet series. Now, while the English major and former magazine copy editor in me wishes that her editors would be a little less forgiving in publishing her articles & books as written, I think the principles & science behind eating clean are too important not to talk about.
So do me a favor: either leave this blog for a second & go to your pantry or, if you're reading this at a red light on your mobile device (for shame! pay attention to the road, silly!), pull up at your local Publix & go to any aisle not in the periphery of the grocery store. Then I want you to pull out any packaged food & read through the list of ingredients. Check to see if there are a) more than three ingredients listed, b) any ingredients whose names you cannot pronounce or c) simple sugars or starches in any incarnation. If you could answer "yes" to at least one of those things, then the food you're holding is not clean. 80% of fitness is eating clean. That's not to say that you can sit on your ass all day, but as long as you eat nothing but egg whites, you'll get thin. You have to combine a super-tight diet with resistance training and high intensity cardio in order to gain muscle, lose fat, or just get truly fit.
I cook all of my own food. I sometimes spend up to 7 hours on my days off preparing chicken breasts and ground turkey and tilapia and sweet potatoes and oatmeal and quinoa and egg white omelets for the week. I eat tons of vegetables and low GI fruits. But because I've completely damaged my metabolism (more on that another day), I'm still packing on pounds.
I also eat 6 meals a day, each at 2.5-3 hour intervals. So going out to eat is really difficult for me. Not only don't I have control over how the meals are prepared or what meals are even offered, my timing gets thrown off, and I usually end up having to wait long past my mealtimes and then getting so ravenous that I'll eat anything and everything in front of me.
In the last four days, my grandma left for Chicago, one of my sisters came home from college for the weekend, one of my sisters left for a trip to Poland, and my family celebrated father's day. All of those events heralded the communal partaking of food...which was difficult beyond belief for me.
Now, there's NOTHING wrong with eating clean. In fact, that's how we all SHOULD be eating, all of the time. But in today's culture, those of us who DO eat clean are considered abnormal. I don't even enjoy eating out anymore anyway...there is too much salt and fat & sugar in prepared foods, and I can even taste the difference between a salty restaurant dish and one I prepare myself. But either way...
Eating out means a loss of control--and eating disorders are all about maintaining as much control as possible. Eating disorders can arise (or at least mine partly did) out of a feeling that the rest of the world was nothing but chaos. If we can control the way our bodies look & feel or the way our food is prepared or when or how....then maybe we can avoid spinning totally out of control.
So this is why I don't eat in restaurants. This is why I have trouble spending time with my family. This is why I don't go on dates.
It's not a fun place to be. But when I try to go out of my comfort zone, the old panic sets in...and now that the scale AND my pants are telling me some ugly truths, it's even harder to let go and just try to be normal for once.
So there's that.
Anyway...more later. I'm off to work.
Kaila
Friday, June 17, 2011
DEFCON 3
Alright....ankle fail is at DEFCON 3*.
Even though I iced before I went to bed, the fact that I had to be on my feet all day (and wearing shoes--no barefooting for me at work...) basically put me back at the "advil-isn't-cutting-it" stage.
I somehow pushed myself to go to the gym after a 7 am workday. I will NEVER understand people who like working out in the afternoon. I was so pre-exhausted from an intense workday PLUS I had to deal with the fact that my ankle was throbbing the whole time that I found it nearly impossible to push myself the way I normally do.
I did have the forethought to run to CVS & buy a wrap for my ankle, so that I could at least have a little stability while I lifted, squatted, and otherwise attempted to make up for the ridiculous number of calories I consumed this afternoon after I realized that my packed lunch** was inedible and that I had to resort to a prepackaged meal from Starbucks (since the food court doesn't actually sell food***).
I had tried to purchase said wrap before work, but I apparently do not live within a 10 mile radius of a 24 hour Walgreens. I had to be at work at 7 am, so I left the house at 6 so I would have time to find a Walgreens & indulge my caffeine addiction before clocking in. I stopped at not one but THREE drugstores (two Walgreens & a CVS), and not one of them was open. Seriously? You couldn't get to my old house without passing two 24 hour Walgreens. I'm terribly disappointed. And in pain because I couldn't wrap my ankle until 4:30 pm.
Anyway.
My workout was "meh" at best. I had to cut all of the jumping movements out of my dynamic warm up. I tried jumping jacks at the outset and my leg said, "Thanks, but no thanks." I didn't push it.
I'm feeling weak, and I don't like it. I'm still gaining body fat (as evidenced by the fact that yet another pair of pants is now in the "I can't fit my rear end into this anymore" drawer), and I'm frustrated as hell. So instead of going out tonight, I'm icing my ankle, going to sleep, and hoping that I can run tomorrow, because I somehow have to make it through a family dinner at an Italian restaurant without having a panic attack over the pasta course tomorrow night.
I honestly don't know what to do.
To top it all off, I'm facing a really huge "win-lose" decision at work, and as much as I'd like to just make the selfish decision because it's technically the easy one, I'm having a hard time determining if it's actually a decision that's going to help my career growth or my team in the end.
I'll leave you on a positive note, though:
At the gym today, I ended up training near where an overweight girl was working with one of the trainers. We started talking while resting between sets (after I complimented her on holding her planks for a minute, which, trust me, is NOT easy). At one point, I was doing my offset squat/shoulder press superset, and, as I grunted my way through the last rep on the shoulders (a rep, by the way, that I don't know how I pulled off, because my shoulders were DONE and I felt terrible about since it was one rep less than I wanted to do), she turned to me and said, "You are really amazing."
So even though I feel terrible about my workout, or not lifting enough, or whatever, there is someone out there who looks at what I do and is inspired to push herself. I guess I can live with that. And try to stop hating on myself. Yeah, that's a work in progress.
Kaila
WORKOUT:
Dynamic Warmup (amended to remove all jumping movements)
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s)
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (6x3x2)-->raised the weight on the shoulder press
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (6x3)-->raised the weight on the Deadlifts & lowered the assist on the chin ups
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)-->raised the weight on the lateral lunges
*Which, in my strange, little brain, means serious, serious preemptive RICE.
**Remind me NEVER to ruin a good meal of green beans, bell peppers, and sweet potatoes with canned salmon again. It was all I could do not to vomit.
***And if that DAMN FALAFEL GUY tries to convince you that the shit he's peddling is healthy because it's vegetarian, vegan, gluten & lactose free, then feel free to remind him that he's holding a tray of fried food and that he's an idiot.
Even though I iced before I went to bed, the fact that I had to be on my feet all day (and wearing shoes--no barefooting for me at work...) basically put me back at the "advil-isn't-cutting-it" stage.
I somehow pushed myself to go to the gym after a 7 am workday. I will NEVER understand people who like working out in the afternoon. I was so pre-exhausted from an intense workday PLUS I had to deal with the fact that my ankle was throbbing the whole time that I found it nearly impossible to push myself the way I normally do.
I did have the forethought to run to CVS & buy a wrap for my ankle, so that I could at least have a little stability while I lifted, squatted, and otherwise attempted to make up for the ridiculous number of calories I consumed this afternoon after I realized that my packed lunch** was inedible and that I had to resort to a prepackaged meal from Starbucks (since the food court doesn't actually sell food***).
I had tried to purchase said wrap before work, but I apparently do not live within a 10 mile radius of a 24 hour Walgreens. I had to be at work at 7 am, so I left the house at 6 so I would have time to find a Walgreens & indulge my caffeine addiction before clocking in. I stopped at not one but THREE drugstores (two Walgreens & a CVS), and not one of them was open. Seriously? You couldn't get to my old house without passing two 24 hour Walgreens. I'm terribly disappointed. And in pain because I couldn't wrap my ankle until 4:30 pm.
Anyway.
My workout was "meh" at best. I had to cut all of the jumping movements out of my dynamic warm up. I tried jumping jacks at the outset and my leg said, "Thanks, but no thanks." I didn't push it.
I'm feeling weak, and I don't like it. I'm still gaining body fat (as evidenced by the fact that yet another pair of pants is now in the "I can't fit my rear end into this anymore" drawer), and I'm frustrated as hell. So instead of going out tonight, I'm icing my ankle, going to sleep, and hoping that I can run tomorrow, because I somehow have to make it through a family dinner at an Italian restaurant without having a panic attack over the pasta course tomorrow night.
I honestly don't know what to do.
To top it all off, I'm facing a really huge "win-lose" decision at work, and as much as I'd like to just make the selfish decision because it's technically the easy one, I'm having a hard time determining if it's actually a decision that's going to help my career growth or my team in the end.
I'll leave you on a positive note, though:
At the gym today, I ended up training near where an overweight girl was working with one of the trainers. We started talking while resting between sets (after I complimented her on holding her planks for a minute, which, trust me, is NOT easy). At one point, I was doing my offset squat/shoulder press superset, and, as I grunted my way through the last rep on the shoulders (a rep, by the way, that I don't know how I pulled off, because my shoulders were DONE and I felt terrible about since it was one rep less than I wanted to do), she turned to me and said, "You are really amazing."
So even though I feel terrible about my workout, or not lifting enough, or whatever, there is someone out there who looks at what I do and is inspired to push herself. I guess I can live with that. And try to stop hating on myself. Yeah, that's a work in progress.
Kaila
WORKOUT:
Dynamic Warmup (amended to remove all jumping movements)
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s)
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (6x3x2)-->raised the weight on the shoulder press
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (6x3)-->raised the weight on the Deadlifts & lowered the assist on the chin ups
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)-->raised the weight on the lateral lunges
*Which, in my strange, little brain, means serious, serious preemptive RICE.
**Remind me NEVER to ruin a good meal of green beans, bell peppers, and sweet potatoes with canned salmon again. It was all I could do not to vomit.
***And if that DAMN FALAFEL GUY tries to convince you that the shit he's peddling is healthy because it's vegetarian, vegan, gluten & lactose free, then feel free to remind him that he's holding a tray of fried food and that he's an idiot.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
A quickie...
And now for a super-fast post, since I needed to be asleep 30 minutes ago, given my ridiculously early projected wake-up time for tomorrow:
Today's workout sucked. With a capital SUCKED. The reason? My stupid ankle. I don't know what I did to it, but it's swollen and it hurts to put pressure on it. So of course I ran a mile and then did a plyometric workout that involved lots of jumping.
I actually made it through the run thanks only to the fact that I didn't wear my New Balances...I think they're part of the problem. I actually wore the Vibrams, and they definitely made running easier. What I like about the barefooting is that I can have somewhat of a conversation with the ground, and make adjustments to my footing with every step. That, and not dealing with heel strike does wonders for my ankle pain.
So anyway.
I did my plyometric workout (see: below), and felt myself getting progressively weaker. It was also getting progressively hotter, so part of my inability to not suck might have to do with the fact that the humidity level was at suffocation and the heat was steadily creeping toward fry-an-egg-on-the-sidewalk.
To "cool down" after the workout, I took my little dog on an "explore." I'd call it a "walk," but it's more of an exploratory pulling session. (She pulls me for the first half, tires herself out trying to absorb all of the new smells, and then I have to pull her home.) You see, I've started walking her whenever I'm home from work before sun down or I have a day off. It's super-necessary, since she spends all day sleeping on my bed, and I don't want her to become a "hamburger" again. (My little dog is part dachschund--aka a wiener dog--but when she gets chubby, my sister makes fun of her and calls her a hamburger.)
Anyway...No real news here, other than the fact that I had a completely useless day off in which I accomplished very little of my to do list. Publix, my favorite grocery store on the face of the planet (more about that some other time), had a *MAJOR* fail, and so after visiting not one but TWO different stores I returned home without my extra lean turkey breast & ground chicken breast, both of which I needed in order to get my meals prepped for the upcoming week.
At least I did get to spend a few moments with my grandparents, who are off to Chicago for a few months....
Okay, off to bed. More substance to come.
Kaila
1 mile warm up run ("barefoot.")
Plyo Set 1 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Lateral Ski Jumps (1 min)
Cross Behind Step Up & Over on Bench (1 min)
Sit up & Squat on Bosu (1 min)
In & Out Squat Jumps (1 min)
90 s Break
Plyo Set 2 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Walking Lunges (1 min, 15 lb dumbbells)
Single-Leg Squat Thrusts (45 s)
Spiderman Push Ups (15 s)
Box Jumps on Step (1 min)
 |
| Bed time? |
Today's workout sucked. With a capital SUCKED. The reason? My stupid ankle. I don't know what I did to it, but it's swollen and it hurts to put pressure on it. So of course I ran a mile and then did a plyometric workout that involved lots of jumping.
I actually made it through the run thanks only to the fact that I didn't wear my New Balances...I think they're part of the problem. I actually wore the Vibrams, and they definitely made running easier. What I like about the barefooting is that I can have somewhat of a conversation with the ground, and make adjustments to my footing with every step. That, and not dealing with heel strike does wonders for my ankle pain.
So anyway.
I did my plyometric workout (see: below), and felt myself getting progressively weaker. It was also getting progressively hotter, so part of my inability to not suck might have to do with the fact that the humidity level was at suffocation and the heat was steadily creeping toward fry-an-egg-on-the-sidewalk.
To "cool down" after the workout, I took my little dog on an "explore." I'd call it a "walk," but it's more of an exploratory pulling session. (She pulls me for the first half, tires herself out trying to absorb all of the new smells, and then I have to pull her home.) You see, I've started walking her whenever I'm home from work before sun down or I have a day off. It's super-necessary, since she spends all day sleeping on my bed, and I don't want her to become a "hamburger" again. (My little dog is part dachschund--aka a wiener dog--but when she gets chubby, my sister makes fun of her and calls her a hamburger.)
 |
| Becoming a hamburger... |
At least I did get to spend a few moments with my grandparents, who are off to Chicago for a few months....
Okay, off to bed. More substance to come.
Kaila
1 mile warm up run ("barefoot.")
Plyo Set 1 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Lateral Ski Jumps (1 min)
Cross Behind Step Up & Over on Bench (1 min)
Sit up & Squat on Bosu (1 min)
In & Out Squat Jumps (1 min)
90 s Break
Plyo Set 2 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Walking Lunges (1 min, 15 lb dumbbells)
Single-Leg Squat Thrusts (45 s)
Spiderman Push Ups (15 s)
Box Jumps on Step (1 min)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
But My Kinetic Chain is Hurting...
Before we start today's post, I'd just like to share two observations:
1. I've never walked through soup before, but I'm pretty sure that it's the same feeling one would get if he or she took a walk outside right now.
2. A little bit of positivity goes a long way.
Moving on to the actual post:
It's amazing how a knee injury can come back and ruin a morning of single leg squats ten years after the fact.
When I was 12 or so (in the seventh grade), I spent the afternoon with my soon-to-be (at the time) step-brother Chris. This was the era of Blink-182 and JNCO jeans, so that means that he owned all of the necessary punk equipment--including a skateboard and a trick bike.
We decided it would be cool to go explore SW 18th st and take a trip over the turnpike passover. Chris took his skateboard, and I took the trick bike. The next morning, I woke up, and my knee was incredibly swollen. There seemed to be a huge knot just below the kneecap. Neither Advil nor RICE took the pain or the swelling away, and the lump continued to grow for the next week.
By the time I saw a doctor, things were bad. It hurt to walk, it ached when it rained, and the lump just wouldn't get any smaller. It wasn't a minor injury or a simple bursitis--it was a bone tumor called an "osteochondroma," which apparently run in my family. The only way to remove it was to actually shave the piece of bone off of my leg--but the doctor couldn't do it until after I'd finished growing because the tumor was sitting right next to my growth plate.
I spent the rest of middle school & the first half of 9th grade in and out of a leg immobilizer and even crutches by the end. Not being a particularly athletic kid to begin with, I rejoiced at the opportunity to spend phys. ed. on the sidelines reading a book. Unfortunately, though, I was in a lot of pain (like the "4-Advil-every-4-hours-was-completely-ineffective" kind of pain) and I was embarrassed by the ugly deformity that seemed a permanent part of my body.
Fortunately, I was able to have the surgery in January of 2002. The biopsy revealed that the tumor was benign (as expected), and I was all better, but for the ugly scar that to this day stands out on the front of my leg. And the whole nerve damage thing. Oh, and the damage to my kinetic chain.
So, in the fitness world, the kinetic chain is just a fancy way of referencing this song. So many injuries that occur in the gym occur because we have imbalances in our bodies, and when we compensate for those imbalances, we end up damaging the connected bones, muscles, ligaments, tendons, etc. (I'll elaborate on this in another post, 'cause I think it deserves some attention.)
In my case, I never properly rehabbed my knee. The muscles were all disrupted by the tumor and then the surgery, and because I never went about strengthening them properly after the surgery, I'm still feeling the after effects. I started running Cross Country in the 10th grade, but even though I was getting stronger, faster, and fitter, my leg was still weak, and my balance & stability were, in technical terms, "piss poor." As a result, I stress fractured my ankle twice--once in 10th and once in 11th, both times during the intensive training periods before District and Regional competition.
To this day, I have little balance or stability in my right leg...and lately, since I've gained a lot of weight and started running again, I've felt that familiar tweak in my ankle. Which made my morning at the gym hell. I could barely hold myself up while I tried to squat on just my right leg...and I had to deal with a throbbing pain in my ankle for the rest of the day.
I'm going to have to take it easy, and I'm NOT happy about it.
However...I'm going to try to keep it positive. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks, not least getting to spend time with my family & some long lost friends :).
Buenas noches (and more tomorrow!)
Kaila
PS My workout for the day:
1. I've never walked through soup before, but I'm pretty sure that it's the same feeling one would get if he or she took a walk outside right now.
2. A little bit of positivity goes a long way.
Moving on to the actual post:
It's amazing how a knee injury can come back and ruin a morning of single leg squats ten years after the fact.
When I was 12 or so (in the seventh grade), I spent the afternoon with my soon-to-be (at the time) step-brother Chris. This was the era of Blink-182 and JNCO jeans, so that means that he owned all of the necessary punk equipment--including a skateboard and a trick bike.
We decided it would be cool to go explore SW 18th st and take a trip over the turnpike passover. Chris took his skateboard, and I took the trick bike. The next morning, I woke up, and my knee was incredibly swollen. There seemed to be a huge knot just below the kneecap. Neither Advil nor RICE took the pain or the swelling away, and the lump continued to grow for the next week.
By the time I saw a doctor, things were bad. It hurt to walk, it ached when it rained, and the lump just wouldn't get any smaller. It wasn't a minor injury or a simple bursitis--it was a bone tumor called an "osteochondroma," which apparently run in my family. The only way to remove it was to actually shave the piece of bone off of my leg--but the doctor couldn't do it until after I'd finished growing because the tumor was sitting right next to my growth plate.
I spent the rest of middle school & the first half of 9th grade in and out of a leg immobilizer and even crutches by the end. Not being a particularly athletic kid to begin with, I rejoiced at the opportunity to spend phys. ed. on the sidelines reading a book. Unfortunately, though, I was in a lot of pain (like the "4-Advil-every-4-hours-was-completely-ineffective" kind of pain) and I was embarrassed by the ugly deformity that seemed a permanent part of my body.
Fortunately, I was able to have the surgery in January of 2002. The biopsy revealed that the tumor was benign (as expected), and I was all better, but for the ugly scar that to this day stands out on the front of my leg. And the whole nerve damage thing. Oh, and the damage to my kinetic chain.
So, in the fitness world, the kinetic chain is just a fancy way of referencing this song. So many injuries that occur in the gym occur because we have imbalances in our bodies, and when we compensate for those imbalances, we end up damaging the connected bones, muscles, ligaments, tendons, etc. (I'll elaborate on this in another post, 'cause I think it deserves some attention.)
In my case, I never properly rehabbed my knee. The muscles were all disrupted by the tumor and then the surgery, and because I never went about strengthening them properly after the surgery, I'm still feeling the after effects. I started running Cross Country in the 10th grade, but even though I was getting stronger, faster, and fitter, my leg was still weak, and my balance & stability were, in technical terms, "piss poor." As a result, I stress fractured my ankle twice--once in 10th and once in 11th, both times during the intensive training periods before District and Regional competition.
To this day, I have little balance or stability in my right leg...and lately, since I've gained a lot of weight and started running again, I've felt that familiar tweak in my ankle. Which made my morning at the gym hell. I could barely hold myself up while I tried to squat on just my right leg...and I had to deal with a throbbing pain in my ankle for the rest of the day.
I'm going to have to take it easy, and I'm NOT happy about it.
However...I'm going to try to keep it positive. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks, not least getting to spend time with my family & some long lost friends :).
Buenas noches (and more tomorrow!)
Kaila
PS My workout for the day:
Dynamic warm up
Super Set 1: Reverse Woodchop (8x3) & Stability Ball Jackknife (16x3)
Super Set 2: Step Ups on Bench (8x3) & T-Pushup (4x3)
Super Set 3: Single Leg Squat (8x3) & Alternating Lateral Raise (8x3)
Super Set 4: Supinated Hip Extension with Leg Curl on Stability Ball (16x3) & Inverted Row (8x3)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Anxiety and ED
I am not, nor have I ever really been, a social creature.
Those of you who have been hanging out with me at the Dub or Fat Cats, et al. for the last few months may be shocked to learn this, but I have terrible, terrible social anxiety--and while it wasn't so bad a few months ago, it's coming back strong.
I don't have a problem when I'm at work or in a "home court" kind of setting--a setting where I know the schedule in advance and boundaries have been established in terms of time, place, and eventual meal plans. But when things are up in the air--or when my schedule or meals get interrupted, I panic.
It's especially bad at night, when I've already eaten all of my meals for the day & then have to go out...or if I have to go out before I can finish eating.
I know it's mostly because of ED.
ED is my frenemy for life. He makes me feel like I'm in control, because he lets me add a little structure to my day. And even though I'm not necessarily limiting calories--hell, I'm eating 6 meals a day!--I'm still a slave to ED's idea of how my life needs to be run.
On top of that, I'm still trying to get the hang of not being on my own all of the time. As a child, I preferred books over people, and to this day, when given the choice I will stay home by myself instead of doing any of the millions of much more fun things that I could be doing with other people.
The problem is that, because I've been pushing myself so hard lately--ever since I started hanging out with the awesome band members & fans of Panic Disorder (aptly named, at least in my own personal case) and then my wonderful, but ridiculously social coworkers--that now I'm actually falling back into that desire to never leave my house after dark again.
This happened when I was going through the depression/ED/insanity in NYC last summer, and I don't know what to do now that it's happening again. The problem with going out and trying to work through it is that a) it doesn't work, b) my whole day/night/next day gets thrown off, and c) it makes me a not-fun-to-be-around party-pooper.
So there's that.
Today's workout was late, since I stayed out later than I should have last night and then overslept my alarm. I know that, for some people, waking up at 7 am is a crime against god, but I prefer to be up before the sun, get my workout done before the gym gets full of people who want to stop my workout to talk to me about everything except why they're not actually working out and just socializing and therefore ruining my morning, and then get on with my day...
Dynamic Warm Up
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s) -->raised weights on woodchop
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (8x3x2) -->raised weights on squats & shoulder press
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (8x3)
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)
Cool Down
Anyway. Sorry to dump that on all of you out there in internet-land, but I needed to write it. I'm going to go run errands and wait for the A/C guy to come and fix our air conditioning before the roof caves in....
Kaila
Those of you who have been hanging out with me at the Dub or Fat Cats, et al. for the last few months may be shocked to learn this, but I have terrible, terrible social anxiety--and while it wasn't so bad a few months ago, it's coming back strong.
I don't have a problem when I'm at work or in a "home court" kind of setting--a setting where I know the schedule in advance and boundaries have been established in terms of time, place, and eventual meal plans. But when things are up in the air--or when my schedule or meals get interrupted, I panic.
It's especially bad at night, when I've already eaten all of my meals for the day & then have to go out...or if I have to go out before I can finish eating.
I know it's mostly because of ED.
ED is my frenemy for life. He makes me feel like I'm in control, because he lets me add a little structure to my day. And even though I'm not necessarily limiting calories--hell, I'm eating 6 meals a day!--I'm still a slave to ED's idea of how my life needs to be run.
On top of that, I'm still trying to get the hang of not being on my own all of the time. As a child, I preferred books over people, and to this day, when given the choice I will stay home by myself instead of doing any of the millions of much more fun things that I could be doing with other people.
The problem is that, because I've been pushing myself so hard lately--ever since I started hanging out with the awesome band members & fans of Panic Disorder (aptly named, at least in my own personal case) and then my wonderful, but ridiculously social coworkers--that now I'm actually falling back into that desire to never leave my house after dark again.
This happened when I was going through the depression/ED/insanity in NYC last summer, and I don't know what to do now that it's happening again. The problem with going out and trying to work through it is that a) it doesn't work, b) my whole day/night/next day gets thrown off, and c) it makes me a not-fun-to-be-around party-pooper.
So there's that.
Today's workout was late, since I stayed out later than I should have last night and then overslept my alarm. I know that, for some people, waking up at 7 am is a crime against god, but I prefer to be up before the sun, get my workout done before the gym gets full of people who want to stop my workout to talk to me about everything except why they're not actually working out and just socializing and therefore ruining my morning, and then get on with my day...
Dynamic Warm Up
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s) -->raised weights on woodchop
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (8x3x2) -->raised weights on squats & shoulder press
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (8x3)
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)
Cool Down
Anyway. Sorry to dump that on all of you out there in internet-land, but I needed to write it. I'm going to go run errands and wait for the A/C guy to come and fix our air conditioning before the roof caves in....
 |
| How does this HAPPEN??? |
Saturday, June 11, 2011
I'm gonna let it shine...
Before I start today's post, I'd just like to say that I legitimately saw a zombie while I was on my run this morning. (And please don't try to convince me otherwise. Non-undead people don't walk like that, especially before the sun comes up. I'm just glad that I took a detour before it could sense my presence, chase me down, and eat my brains...)
Anyway.
I just wanted to get in a brief post before I crash, since I can't sleep and I have something I want to get off of my chest.
One of my coworkers and I ended up taking a 15 together today, and he asked me, "So what's up with all the positivity lately?" The question took me by surprise, because I guess my un-positive days have been more than apparent and more than abundant. But it's true...the last few days--since I started this blog, actually--have been incredible. I've had some absolutely amazing interactions at work, I've generated more revenue than I think I have in any other week in my almost-nine-month career, and I've been bouncing around the store like life is one giant parade of gumdrops and lollipops.*
Moreover, I've been more vocal about my accomplishments. It's weird for me to brag about anything...because honestly, I've never really talked about myself in anything but a derogatory way. Yes, the derogatory comments are masquerading as humility or modesty, but, frankly, half of the reason I'm depressed all of the time is that I lack faith in my own abilities.
And I'm slowly starting to realize that until I can start speaking about myself and all of the things I know I can actually do in a positive way--hell, until I learn how to brag like the rest of the fucking world--no one is ever going to take me seriously.
This is not to say that I'm planning on becoming a pompous, smug, self-satisfied asshole, because a) people like that disgust me, and I'm not a hypocrite and b) I'm still having a hard time acknowledging that my life has not just been one giant pile of failure since day one.
But I figure I can devote one blog post to tooting my horn, 'cause I have accomplished a metric shit ton in my 24.5 short years.
At the age of 21 I rescued a high school theatre department, re-wrote the curricula for four classes, and directed three award-worthy plays. I was offered a fellowship to an Ivy League theatre school that only accepted 7 people into my program. I wrote a full length play, and half of it was iambic pentameter. I have copyedited for a magazine, run a custom pastry business that was featured in The Gainesville Sun, gotten certified as a personal trainer, and studied everything from Shakespeare to string theory and still made it out alive. I read Ulysses three times, goddammit! And now, after all that, I'm start completely over from scratch and making a living in a field that I know next to nothing about, and people are actually, finally taking me seriously.
I have what it takes. I can do this. I can.
/rant.
Sorry for that. I just...I feel like I don't get to be proud very often. Not legitimately proud. Because I never feel like I deserve it. Well, maybe this time I fucking do.
So I'm going to try to keep this positivity thing up. Even if tomorrow is a complete flop, at least I had today.
Um. Guess I'll try to get to sleep now.
(Also, my workout today, zombies not included, was okay. I ran a 5K at about a 7:40/mi avg. pace and then did a plyometric workout in my front yard. My legs hurt in the best way possible. More running tomorrow, provided I can get some shut eye & wake up on time....)
Kaila
*I actually don't really like gumdrops or lollipops, if you must know. So maybe it's been more like a parade of pizza and chocolate chip cookie dough.**
**Because everyone knows that if cookie dough doesn't have chocolate chips in it, it's not worth eating.
Anyway.
I just wanted to get in a brief post before I crash, since I can't sleep and I have something I want to get off of my chest.
One of my coworkers and I ended up taking a 15 together today, and he asked me, "So what's up with all the positivity lately?" The question took me by surprise, because I guess my un-positive days have been more than apparent and more than abundant. But it's true...the last few days--since I started this blog, actually--have been incredible. I've had some absolutely amazing interactions at work, I've generated more revenue than I think I have in any other week in my almost-nine-month career, and I've been bouncing around the store like life is one giant parade of gumdrops and lollipops.*
Moreover, I've been more vocal about my accomplishments. It's weird for me to brag about anything...because honestly, I've never really talked about myself in anything but a derogatory way. Yes, the derogatory comments are masquerading as humility or modesty, but, frankly, half of the reason I'm depressed all of the time is that I lack faith in my own abilities.
And I'm slowly starting to realize that until I can start speaking about myself and all of the things I know I can actually do in a positive way--hell, until I learn how to brag like the rest of the fucking world--no one is ever going to take me seriously.
This is not to say that I'm planning on becoming a pompous, smug, self-satisfied asshole, because a) people like that disgust me, and I'm not a hypocrite and b) I'm still having a hard time acknowledging that my life has not just been one giant pile of failure since day one.
But I figure I can devote one blog post to tooting my horn, 'cause I have accomplished a metric shit ton in my 24.5 short years.
At the age of 21 I rescued a high school theatre department, re-wrote the curricula for four classes, and directed three award-worthy plays. I was offered a fellowship to an Ivy League theatre school that only accepted 7 people into my program. I wrote a full length play, and half of it was iambic pentameter. I have copyedited for a magazine, run a custom pastry business that was featured in The Gainesville Sun, gotten certified as a personal trainer, and studied everything from Shakespeare to string theory and still made it out alive. I read Ulysses three times, goddammit! And now, after all that, I'm start completely over from scratch and making a living in a field that I know next to nothing about, and people are actually, finally taking me seriously.
I have what it takes. I can do this. I can.
/rant.
Sorry for that. I just...I feel like I don't get to be proud very often. Not legitimately proud. Because I never feel like I deserve it. Well, maybe this time I fucking do.
So I'm going to try to keep this positivity thing up. Even if tomorrow is a complete flop, at least I had today.
Um. Guess I'll try to get to sleep now.
(Also, my workout today, zombies not included, was okay. I ran a 5K at about a 7:40/mi avg. pace and then did a plyometric workout in my front yard. My legs hurt in the best way possible. More running tomorrow, provided I can get some shut eye & wake up on time....)
Kaila
*I actually don't really like gumdrops or lollipops, if you must know. So maybe it's been more like a parade of pizza and chocolate chip cookie dough.**
**Because everyone knows that if cookie dough doesn't have chocolate chips in it, it's not worth eating.
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Early Bird Catches the Worm. Noisily.
I'd like to apologize to my roommates, present, past, and potentially future (and, yes, family, this includes you).
I don't know why, but I am a morning person. A ridiculously, ridiculously early morning person. I like to be awake before the sun comes up. I like to get my workout done before some people have gone to bed. I like having the quiet, people-free hours to just get stuff done.
Ever since I was a child this has been the case. When I was in elementary school, I used to get up at 5 am on Saturdays so I could read The Babysitters' Club before the Saturday morning cartoons came on. In high school, I would get to school an hour or more before the bell to discuss politics with one of my favorite teachers, Ms. Drews. When I was teaching, I got up before dawn so I could watch the news and make fun of the weather girl with my dad (who is also a ridiculously early riser). So this early morning being-up-ness is nothing new.
Unfortunately, my early morning productivity means that I have to be in the common areas of the domicile in which I currently reside while I do all of the things that just simply can't wait until later--like cooking, cleaning, and organizing my life. And all of these things usually end up making noise.
I do my best to be quiet in the mornings--I really do. But I find that, sometimes (and more often than not) the quieter I try to be, the more noise I end up making. For example, yesterday I got up to make cookies for Kyle (who was very much still asleep), and while I was candying the bacon in our oven, I managed to set off the fire alarm. Sorry, Kyle...(Although it's not entirely my fault that our oven gets a lot hotter than the temperature settings seem to suggest--and since it's weird and electric, it only has settings for 350 and 400, but not 375...which is terribly annoying. However I have the prettiest kitchen in the whole world, so I suppose I can suck it up and just cook the bacon for longer on lower heat next time...)
This morning, I tried to be especially quiet since Julian isn't feeling well...But I still had to make my food and do my dishes, and the microwave, blender, and sink are located right next to his bedroom window. Sorry, Julian...I did, however, try to minimize the noise that I would have generated by making a protein shake in the blender by carrying the blender across the house and using it on the floor in the dining "room". Hope that helped...
Anyway, I'm not going to give up my early mornings for anything. As much as I like to go out and have fun at night, if given the choice, I'm going to be a grandma and go to bed after primetime and get up with the sun. (I know I'm lame; sue me.)
Today's workout was a lot of fun. I was running a little bit later than I'd liked, since I slept in until 5:05, which meant that I got to the gym about 30 minutes later than I'd wanted to. I ended up cutting almost all of the rest time between sets in order to make up for the time, which meant that I had the chance to get seriously sweaty by the end of the workout. I also progressed my inverted rows to the stability ball--and actually managed to make it through all 24 reps (8x3). I also felt a little bit better about my single-leg squats. I am still struggling to get the balance (before I can even start to tackle range!), but at least I'm feeling a little more steady on my feet. Or foot, such as the case may be.
I don't know why, but I am a morning person. A ridiculously, ridiculously early morning person. I like to be awake before the sun comes up. I like to get my workout done before some people have gone to bed. I like having the quiet, people-free hours to just get stuff done.
Ever since I was a child this has been the case. When I was in elementary school, I used to get up at 5 am on Saturdays so I could read The Babysitters' Club before the Saturday morning cartoons came on. In high school, I would get to school an hour or more before the bell to discuss politics with one of my favorite teachers, Ms. Drews. When I was teaching, I got up before dawn so I could watch the news and make fun of the weather girl with my dad (who is also a ridiculously early riser). So this early morning being-up-ness is nothing new.
Unfortunately, my early morning productivity means that I have to be in the common areas of the domicile in which I currently reside while I do all of the things that just simply can't wait until later--like cooking, cleaning, and organizing my life. And all of these things usually end up making noise.
I do my best to be quiet in the mornings--I really do. But I find that, sometimes (and more often than not) the quieter I try to be, the more noise I end up making. For example, yesterday I got up to make cookies for Kyle (who was very much still asleep), and while I was candying the bacon in our oven, I managed to set off the fire alarm. Sorry, Kyle...(Although it's not entirely my fault that our oven gets a lot hotter than the temperature settings seem to suggest--and since it's weird and electric, it only has settings for 350 and 400, but not 375...which is terribly annoying. However I have the prettiest kitchen in the whole world, so I suppose I can suck it up and just cook the bacon for longer on lower heat next time...)
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| I love my kitchen. |
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| The perfect "room" for blending shakes, apparently. |
Today's workout was a lot of fun. I was running a little bit later than I'd liked, since I slept in until 5:05, which meant that I got to the gym about 30 minutes later than I'd wanted to. I ended up cutting almost all of the rest time between sets in order to make up for the time, which meant that I had the chance to get seriously sweaty by the end of the workout. I also progressed my inverted rows to the stability ball--and actually managed to make it through all 24 reps (8x3). I also felt a little bit better about my single-leg squats. I am still struggling to get the balance (before I can even start to tackle range!), but at least I'm feeling a little more steady on my feet. Or foot, such as the case may be.
Dynamic warm up
Super Set 1: Reverse Woodchop (8x3) & Stability Ball Jackknife
Super Set 2: Step Ups on Bench with Dumbbells (8x3) & T-Pushup with Dumbbells (4x3)
Super Set 3: Single Leg Squat (8x3) & Alternating Lateral Raise (8x3)
Super Set 4: Supinated Hip Extension with Leg Curl on Stability Ball (16x3) & Inverted Row with Feet
Elevated on Stability Ball (8x3)
Cool Down
Anywho, that's all I have for now...
Kaila
Thursday, June 9, 2011
On pushing too hard, nap-mares, and bacon...
Since my last post was about perseverance through the pain, I thought that today I'd briefly touch on the flip side of that, which is knowing when not to push it.
Today I woke up late. Late, as in my alarm was set for 4:45, and I woke up and then reset the alarm for 7:00. My body said, "Listen, you've been pushing us a little bit too hard lately, and since you didn't listen when I told you that our neck hurt, I'm going to make you pay for it this morning."
It's hard to argue with a body.
In the past, I would have just forced myself out of bed, run the 3 or so miles I had planned to run, and then done my plyometric workout, pain be damned. I'd pay for it later, when my back or my knees or my shoulders or ankle gave out (again, as always), and then I'd be unable to work out at all for the next month.
This afternoon, I planned to work out despite the heat and humidity around 3 pm. I had my whey protein and got into my workout clothes...but I was so tired that I couldn't motivate myself to leave the house. My body said, "Listen, we're still catching up on that whole "rest" thing, so if you can just let us nap for a bit, that would be great."
I took a nap. For an hour and a half. I never nap. Apparently I needed it.
(I didn't, however, need the "nap-mare" that woke me up literally crying at 5 pm. The dream was so vivid that I can still recall the whole entire storyline. I'm still not entirely convinced that my sister wasn't accidentally stabbed in the stomach by a med student at her school or that my dog wasn't let out the back door and then hit by a car. ...Yeah, it was that bad.)
I eventually did work out--and I only pushed it as far as I could without hurting my neck or shoulder and potentially canceling tomorrow's workout in advance.
Today:
1 mile warm up run ("barefoot.")
Plyo Set 1 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Lateral Ski Jumps (1 min)
Cross Behind Step Up & Over on Bench (1 min)
Sit up & Squat on Bosu (1 min)
In & Out Squat Jumps (30 s)
90 s Break
Plyo Set 2 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Walking Lunges (1 min, 15 lb dumbbells)
Single-Leg Squat Thrusts (30 s)
Spiderman Push Ups (30 s)
Box Jumps on Step (1 min)
Was it a ridiculously impossible cross-fit-worthy cardio extravaganza? No. But I worked up a sweat, and it felt good to move my body. I also ran in my vibrams for the first time....talk about pushing it. Barefoot running is going to take some serious getting used to.
Anyway...I'm off to finish a last load of laundry...I'll provide something more substantial tomorrow, I'm sure.
Kaila
PS I "stole" a recipe from How Sweet it Is, and made the most ridiculous cookies ever for my roommate. Instagram pictures below:
Today I woke up late. Late, as in my alarm was set for 4:45, and I woke up and then reset the alarm for 7:00. My body said, "Listen, you've been pushing us a little bit too hard lately, and since you didn't listen when I told you that our neck hurt, I'm going to make you pay for it this morning."
It's hard to argue with a body.
In the past, I would have just forced myself out of bed, run the 3 or so miles I had planned to run, and then done my plyometric workout, pain be damned. I'd pay for it later, when my back or my knees or my shoulders or ankle gave out (again, as always), and then I'd be unable to work out at all for the next month.
This afternoon, I planned to work out despite the heat and humidity around 3 pm. I had my whey protein and got into my workout clothes...but I was so tired that I couldn't motivate myself to leave the house. My body said, "Listen, we're still catching up on that whole "rest" thing, so if you can just let us nap for a bit, that would be great."
I took a nap. For an hour and a half. I never nap. Apparently I needed it.
(I didn't, however, need the "nap-mare" that woke me up literally crying at 5 pm. The dream was so vivid that I can still recall the whole entire storyline. I'm still not entirely convinced that my sister wasn't accidentally stabbed in the stomach by a med student at her school or that my dog wasn't let out the back door and then hit by a car. ...Yeah, it was that bad.)
I eventually did work out--and I only pushed it as far as I could without hurting my neck or shoulder and potentially canceling tomorrow's workout in advance.
Today:
1 mile warm up run ("barefoot.")
Plyo Set 1 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Lateral Ski Jumps (1 min)
Cross Behind Step Up & Over on Bench (1 min)
Sit up & Squat on Bosu (1 min)
In & Out Squat Jumps (30 s)
90 s Break
Plyo Set 2 (repeat 3x w/ 1 min break):
Walking Lunges (1 min, 15 lb dumbbells)
Single-Leg Squat Thrusts (30 s)
Spiderman Push Ups (30 s)
Box Jumps on Step (1 min)
Was it a ridiculously impossible cross-fit-worthy cardio extravaganza? No. But I worked up a sweat, and it felt good to move my body. I also ran in my vibrams for the first time....talk about pushing it. Barefoot running is going to take some serious getting used to.
Anyway...I'm off to finish a last load of laundry...I'll provide something more substantial tomorrow, I'm sure.
Kaila
PS I "stole" a recipe from How Sweet it Is, and made the most ridiculous cookies ever for my roommate. Instagram pictures below:
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| Gathering the ingredients... |
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| Notice how the cinnamon looks like kind of like a heart? That's 'cause I bake love into every bite ;) |
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| Yes, that is chocolate and candied bacon, and yes, that really happened. |
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| Chewy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies with Candied Bacon. Voila! |
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Insomnia and Anxiety are Bad in Bed
I think my brain has forgotten how to sleep, and my body's not happy about it.
This is the second day in a row that anxiety kept me from falling asleep, and anxiety-filled dreams woke me up when I finally dozed off. Apparently, I've been such a restless sleeper, that even my little dog, who normally sleeps under the covers and spoons with the backs of my knees, slept on the arm chair in the corner of my room.
Somehow, despite my lack of restful sleep (and despite the vivid dreams that my roommates were purposely breaking my MacBook Air or that I was facilitating a presentation to a group of new hires, only I didn't know the material, etc.), I ended up "sleeping funny" and getting a kink in my neck. It hurts to turn my head now...so much so that I almost skipped the gym this morning.
Almost.
I figured, since I couldn't turn my head, I'd be forced to keep my head in a neutral, forward position during my workout. (And, believe it or not, that's exactly what happened.)
Today's workout, once again brought to you by Rachel Cosgrove:
Dynamic Warmup (You know it's dynamic when you're just warming up & you're already sweating!)
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s)
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (8x3x2)
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (8x3)
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)
Cool Down
Despite the neck and the insomnia, today's workout was just awesome. I felt strong--I lifted as heavily as I could despite the fact that my grip strength is terrible (which means that I'm going to have to do a little bit of grip work if I want to get to 40 lbs on the rows or improve my chin ups), and I even pushed past the point of giving up on the planks. I'm working hard on the whole "not-giving-in-or-giving-up" thing. In the gym and in life. I'm used to just quitting when it gets too hard--see: everything I've ever done in my life--so pushing past that last impossible rep by doing another, adding another 5 lbs for the final set, or holding a plank & keeping my core strong even though my entire body is shaking is a big deal for me.
I'm making a commitment to doing that in my outside-of-the-gym life.
Those of you who work with me know that I've been working on my composure--but lately I've been feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle. That kills me, because I want so badly to be a positive influence at work--and it's hard to do that when it feels like the world is crashing down around--and inside of--me.
But I can't just give in to the depression again. That would be just as bad as copping out on the last rep or waiting until the next workout to lift that extra five pounds. So the lesson for today is that I need to do some grip work, and I need to get a grip. That means no cheating with lifting straps or meltdowns in the back of house.
Alright then. Onto today. (Bring it!)
Kaila
This is the second day in a row that anxiety kept me from falling asleep, and anxiety-filled dreams woke me up when I finally dozed off. Apparently, I've been such a restless sleeper, that even my little dog, who normally sleeps under the covers and spoons with the backs of my knees, slept on the arm chair in the corner of my room.
Somehow, despite my lack of restful sleep (and despite the vivid dreams that my roommates were purposely breaking my MacBook Air or that I was facilitating a presentation to a group of new hires, only I didn't know the material, etc.), I ended up "sleeping funny" and getting a kink in my neck. It hurts to turn my head now...so much so that I almost skipped the gym this morning.
Almost.
I figured, since I couldn't turn my head, I'd be forced to keep my head in a neutral, forward position during my workout. (And, believe it or not, that's exactly what happened.)
Today's workout, once again brought to you by Rachel Cosgrove:
Dynamic Warmup (You know it's dynamic when you're just warming up & you're already sweating!)
Super Set 1: Woodchops (8x3x2) & Planks (90 s)
Super Set 2: Offset Dumbbell Squats (8x3x2) & Standing Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press (8x3x2)
Super Set 3: Single-Leg Dumbbell Deadlifts (8x3x2) & Machine Assisted Chin Ups (8x3)
Super Set 4: Alternating Lateral Lunges with Dumbbells (8x3x2) & Two Point Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows (8x3x2)
Cool Down
Despite the neck and the insomnia, today's workout was just awesome. I felt strong--I lifted as heavily as I could despite the fact that my grip strength is terrible (which means that I'm going to have to do a little bit of grip work if I want to get to 40 lbs on the rows or improve my chin ups), and I even pushed past the point of giving up on the planks. I'm working hard on the whole "not-giving-in-or-giving-up" thing. In the gym and in life. I'm used to just quitting when it gets too hard--see: everything I've ever done in my life--so pushing past that last impossible rep by doing another, adding another 5 lbs for the final set, or holding a plank & keeping my core strong even though my entire body is shaking is a big deal for me.
I'm making a commitment to doing that in my outside-of-the-gym life.
Those of you who work with me know that I've been working on my composure--but lately I've been feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle. That kills me, because I want so badly to be a positive influence at work--and it's hard to do that when it feels like the world is crashing down around--and inside of--me.
But I can't just give in to the depression again. That would be just as bad as copping out on the last rep or waiting until the next workout to lift that extra five pounds. So the lesson for today is that I need to do some grip work, and I need to get a grip. That means no cheating with lifting straps or meltdowns in the back of house.
Alright then. Onto today. (Bring it!)
Kaila
Monday, June 6, 2011
The End. Kind of.
Good (ish) morning to you all.
Before we get into the nitty gritty, here's today's fitness update, brought to you courtesy of celebrity trainer Rachel Cosgrove of Results Fitness.
(A quick aside about Ms. Cosgrove: I stumbled upon her book, The Female Body Breakthrough in June of last year after hearing her husband, trainer Alwyn Cosgrove, speak about it on a fitness podcast. I am a huge fan of her methods for training, since they involve functional movement and progressive unilateral strength & stability training interspersed with plyometrics for power. This is the second time I've gone back to her book for "rehab" after an injury (the first time was my shoulder, the second was my back), since her workouts help retrain proprioception and core stability. I also love that, if I keep my heart rate up and my rest time down, I can not only get in a little bit of cardio while I lift, but I can also get in and out of the gym--from warm up to cool down--in exactly an hour. I am a huge fan--and if I ever make it big in personal training, Results Fitness will be the first place I apply to work.)
Today:
Dynamic warm up
Super Set 1: Reverse Woodchop (8x3) & Stability Ball Jackknife
Super Set 2: Step Ups on Bench (8x3) & T-Pushup (4x3)
Super Set 3: Single Leg Squat (8x3) & Alternating Lateral Raise (8x3)
Super Set 4: Supinated Hip Extension with Leg Curl on Stability Ball (8x3) & Inverted Row
Cool Down
FOAM ROLL!
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| My calves hate me. |
Lesson for the day: balancing barefoot is a lot harder than in stability & motion control shoes. Whodathunk?
So my squats and step ups were incredibly wobbly, and definitely not as pretty as I would have liked them to be. But I think that in the long run, doing the "barefoot" thing is going to help me with improving my balance and range of motion for those pesky squats. And I hope so--'cause mine suck right now.
Anyway.
Onto story time:
My little dog and I moved back in with my mother, my then 10 year-old brother, & her 5 dogs in July. She had just sold my car (with my permission, since I hadn't planned on coming home) to help with my sister's college expenses, so I was without wheels or the money to purchase new ones. I spent the entire month going to the gym at 5 am (so I could borrow her car) and then sitting in the house all day, watching iCarly on Nickelodeon and cooking.
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| My little dog! |
I applied for lots of jobs, all half-heartedly, since I was massively depressed. I acquired wheels after about 6 weeks (which I'll be paying off for a long time to come), as well as a front desk job at The Gym of Boca Raton. That meant that, three days a week, I had to be awake at 4 am to open the gym by 5. Mind you, I was still working out too hard and eating too little. I had also tweaked my shoulder & was working through the pain instead of letting it rest.
Women would come up to me in the gym and ask me how I got to look so amazing. Men would stare. I had people telling me I should become a model. I was dropping below 120, 118, 115...
I was convinced I was going to do a bikini competition with the NPC before September.
Then I saw a doctor. By this point, I was 112.5 pounds. I was diagnosed with secondary amenorrhea (I'll let you look that up, I don't want to explain it here for those who might be squeamish about women's issues), bradycardia, and ostepenia. All very fun things to have happening inside one's body. I left the doctor's office and ate a whole sub, with cheese and bread and everything. I felt sick the rest of the day.
In early September, I was hired by an amazing company. I started my training on the 22nd, and, I hate to say it, but the job might be what saved me. I had to leave the gym, since I couldn't do 4 am-10 pm days and still be expected to function like a human being, but it didn't matter, since I had a job that actually offered me hope for a future.
In April I moved out of my mom's house and into a house with my little dog, two of my coworkers, and my coworker's big, goofy, adorable dog. It's a little ridiculous, but it's my life so there's that.
So that's where I'm at now. Well, that, and I'm also at 137 lbs, with a metabolism that hates me for fucking with it so much, but I'm working on fixing that part.
Anyway. That's my story.
Gotta run to work now...
Kaila
Sunday, June 5, 2011
A Quick Update (Or, Why I'm Not Finishing My Story Tonight)
Hey all.
Just wanted to throw in a quick fitness-related update, since it's already 10 pm, and I have an early date with the gym in the morning. I'd have posted earlier, but I spent the ENTIRE DAY cleaning my house. With bleach. And Clorox. And other harsh chemicals.
At least the kitchen no longer smells like rotting food. (Thanks, roommates!)
I also prepped all of my meals for the week (hooray chicken and turkey breast, tilapia, sweet potatoes, & veggies!), baked a small batch of cookies (Chocolate Chip Espresso Shortbread...mmmmm), and did laundry.
And I tried out my Vibrams at the gym. I didn't do any lifting--that's tomorrow's endeavor. Today was SUPPOSED to be a long run with my dad in the morning, but I ended up being woken up around 1:30 am and not getting back to sleep. So I set out to do 45 minutes on the revolving stairs at the gym. Usually, this is no big deal. However I could barely make it to 35 minutes before I felt like collapsing. I was using muscles I didn't even know I had. (Which wasn't hard, since I'm still relatively new to functional anatomy, what with my English major and all.)
So. I already know that a) my legs are going to HATE me by the morning (time for some foam rolling, methinks) and b) tomorrow's squats/deadlifts/step-ups/whatever are going to an experience I'm not likely to forget. I'll let you know how that goes.
Until then,
Good night, sweet prince(s), and flocks of angels sing thee to thy rest.
-Kaila
PS Here's an interesting article on the Science of Barefoot Running.
Just wanted to throw in a quick fitness-related update, since it's already 10 pm, and I have an early date with the gym in the morning. I'd have posted earlier, but I spent the ENTIRE DAY cleaning my house. With bleach. And Clorox. And other harsh chemicals.
At least the kitchen no longer smells like rotting food. (Thanks, roommates!)
I also prepped all of my meals for the week (hooray chicken and turkey breast, tilapia, sweet potatoes, & veggies!), baked a small batch of cookies (Chocolate Chip Espresso Shortbread...mmmmm), and did laundry.
And I tried out my Vibrams at the gym. I didn't do any lifting--that's tomorrow's endeavor. Today was SUPPOSED to be a long run with my dad in the morning, but I ended up being woken up around 1:30 am and not getting back to sleep. So I set out to do 45 minutes on the revolving stairs at the gym. Usually, this is no big deal. However I could barely make it to 35 minutes before I felt like collapsing. I was using muscles I didn't even know I had. (Which wasn't hard, since I'm still relatively new to functional anatomy, what with my English major and all.)
So. I already know that a) my legs are going to HATE me by the morning (time for some foam rolling, methinks) and b) tomorrow's squats/deadlifts/step-ups/whatever are going to an experience I'm not likely to forget. I'll let you know how that goes.
Until then,
Good night, sweet prince(s), and flocks of angels sing thee to thy rest.
-Kaila
PS Here's an interesting article on the Science of Barefoot Running.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
The Never-Ending Story...
Before we begin Part Two of Part Three of my story, I figured I'd post a little bit about today's fitness regimen. Since that seems to be what all the cool kids are doing. (Have I mentioned that I am a total fitness/food blog lurker? Because I am.)
5:45 am: 20 minute run. 2.58 mi. 2 min warmup and then alternating 1 min sprints/1 min recovery jog.
6:05 am: Plyometrics
SET ONE (repeat 3x with 1 min break between each set):
Jump rope (1 min)
Lunge Jumps (30 s)
Mountain Climbers (45 s)
Squat Jumps (30 s)
SET TWO (repeat 3x with 1 min break between each set):
Lateral Step out Squats (1 min)
Fairy Skips in Place (30 s)
Step Out Plank on Swiss Ball (30 s)
Burpees (30s)
I'm not sure if the fairy skips are really called just that...but that's what we called them back when I ran Cross Country in high school. (Coach used to make the boys do them whenever the football team walked past us...)
Anyway.
I was also forced to buy new training shoes yesterday. I can't afford to spend money on another pair, since I just had to go out and buy new running shoes (since I haven't run in a year), but it was time.
So now I am the proud (?) owner of a pair of Vibram KSOs...These are the geekiest things I have ever owned, and I definitely owned a pair of four inch white foam platform Spice Girls-style sandals in the fifth grade. Just sayin'.
I can't wait to see how these babies fare in the gym. I've heard that they're awesome for lifting--I was going to get another pair of Converse for the gym, but since I'm adding plyos, I needed an all-purpose shoe, and this was the one that they told me I needed. (Yes, "They." You know who "They" are. "They" live in Google and dispense good advice so long as I refine my search terms properly...)
So now that you're caught up on the immediate, here's the backstory (continued):
Over Christmas break, I made the decision to stay at Columbia. I finished my outstanding assignments (which meant writing over 50 pages of theoretical & dramaturgical analysis and the first draft of a full length play in a month) and went back up to the city. I staked out a seat at the famous Hungarian Pastry Shop, which was to become my new home for the next several months as I worked on revising my play, and I took advantage of daily bottomless cups of coffee (it tasted terrible, but refills were FREE!) since my new apartment was right next door.
But things still weren't right with the world. Although I was trying hard to go out with my incredible classmates (to sing musical theatre karaoke at Marie's Crisis with Ian or to the village for a Sweet Fix show with my fellow dramaturgs & Leslie), to see 3-4 shows (Broadway, Off-, and way-the-fuck-Off) per week, to sit through late night rehearsals for Collaboration class, and to generally find a more positive outlook on life (told you I hate periods--this whole paragraph is only two sentences long), I was still more concerned with working out, eating less, and losing weight.
By the end of the semester, I was spent. Emotionally, physically, and financially. I got two jobs, one at the Columbia Arts Initiative as a social media/bitch-work intern (read the articles here), and the other folding towels and swiping ID cards at the Dodge Fitness Center.
Mind you, I still wasn't making enough money to live, so even though I didn't feel like I was losing enough weight from my body, my bank account seemed to have an overactive metabolism...It was also the hottest summer I have ever experienced--which was miserable to begin with, a misery only compounded by the fact that I had no A/C in my apartment. So I was waking up at 4:30/5, running to (and from) the gym, working out, biking to work, working all day, biking to my second job, folding towels until midnight, and then packing my meals for the next day...I was over everything. I even cut off all of my hair to cut down on the time I spent getting ready after the gym in the morning.
It was over the summer that I started studying for my certification in Personal Training through the National Academy of Sports Medicine (hereinafter referred to as NASM). As a theatre/english major with next to no background in biology (outside of that awesome 10th grade AP Bio class), studying the anatomy and physiology portion was a massively intensive endeavor. But it was the first time all year that I felt like I was studying for a reason. While the rest of the world seemed like it was crashing down around me, I had my own little oasis of reason and sanity in the NASM textbook.
I attended the NASM hands-on cPT workshop on July 11-12, and on July 13, I took a medical leave of absence from Columbia.
Guess I'll leave you here for the night, since it's already 10 pm, and I need to get up early to run with my dad...Stay tuned for Part Three of Part Three!
-Kaila
5:45 am: 20 minute run. 2.58 mi. 2 min warmup and then alternating 1 min sprints/1 min recovery jog.
6:05 am: Plyometrics
SET ONE (repeat 3x with 1 min break between each set):
Jump rope (1 min)
Lunge Jumps (30 s)
Mountain Climbers (45 s)
Squat Jumps (30 s)
SET TWO (repeat 3x with 1 min break between each set):
Lateral Step out Squats (1 min)
Fairy Skips in Place (30 s)
Step Out Plank on Swiss Ball (30 s)
Burpees (30s)
I'm not sure if the fairy skips are really called just that...but that's what we called them back when I ran Cross Country in high school. (Coach used to make the boys do them whenever the football team walked past us...)
Anyway.
I was also forced to buy new training shoes yesterday. I can't afford to spend money on another pair, since I just had to go out and buy new running shoes (since I haven't run in a year), but it was time.
So now I am the proud (?) owner of a pair of Vibram KSOs...These are the geekiest things I have ever owned, and I definitely owned a pair of four inch white foam platform Spice Girls-style sandals in the fifth grade. Just sayin'.
 |
| I feel silly. |
So now that you're caught up on the immediate, here's the backstory (continued):
Over Christmas break, I made the decision to stay at Columbia. I finished my outstanding assignments (which meant writing over 50 pages of theoretical & dramaturgical analysis and the first draft of a full length play in a month) and went back up to the city. I staked out a seat at the famous Hungarian Pastry Shop, which was to become my new home for the next several months as I worked on revising my play, and I took advantage of daily bottomless cups of coffee (it tasted terrible, but refills were FREE!) since my new apartment was right next door.
But things still weren't right with the world. Although I was trying hard to go out with my incredible classmates (to sing musical theatre karaoke at Marie's Crisis with Ian or to the village for a Sweet Fix show with my fellow dramaturgs & Leslie), to see 3-4 shows (Broadway, Off-, and way-the-fuck-Off) per week, to sit through late night rehearsals for Collaboration class, and to generally find a more positive outlook on life (told you I hate periods--this whole paragraph is only two sentences long), I was still more concerned with working out, eating less, and losing weight.
 |
| Our playwriting class was a clever ruse to convert innocent dramaturgs into Sweet Fix groupies. |
 |
| Celebrating a successful Collaboration. |
Mind you, I still wasn't making enough money to live, so even though I didn't feel like I was losing enough weight from my body, my bank account seemed to have an overactive metabolism...It was also the hottest summer I have ever experienced--which was miserable to begin with, a misery only compounded by the fact that I had no A/C in my apartment. So I was waking up at 4:30/5, running to (and from) the gym, working out, biking to work, working all day, biking to my second job, folding towels until midnight, and then packing my meals for the next day...I was over everything. I even cut off all of my hair to cut down on the time I spent getting ready after the gym in the morning.
 |
| Boy hair! (Which I actually kind of miss...) |
It was over the summer that I started studying for my certification in Personal Training through the National Academy of Sports Medicine (hereinafter referred to as NASM). As a theatre/english major with next to no background in biology (outside of that awesome 10th grade AP Bio class), studying the anatomy and physiology portion was a massively intensive endeavor. But it was the first time all year that I felt like I was studying for a reason. While the rest of the world seemed like it was crashing down around me, I had my own little oasis of reason and sanity in the NASM textbook.
I attended the NASM hands-on cPT workshop on July 11-12, and on July 13, I took a medical leave of absence from Columbia.
Guess I'll leave you here for the night, since it's already 10 pm, and I need to get up early to run with my dad...Stay tuned for Part Three of Part Three!
-Kaila
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