(I'm) Back

Hi there.

It's been a while.

Sorry for the absence, but, as per usual, life threw a couple of curveballs at me, and I let them hit me square in the eyes. And do you have any idea how hard it is to blog without eyes?

...


Exactly.*

Anyway.

Without going too much into detail, I earned the promotion I was working for while I started my blog, and now I have lot of responsibilities--which I am still learning how to balance. My schedule changed, and so the 30 Day Bikram challenge was cut short for me at Day 19, but I had been trying to make my practice as regular as possible...

...and then I went back to the gym. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. It's my temple, my house of meditation, my me time...but I think I finally have to concede that my body simply cannot handle traditional resistance training. I know it's not the result of poor form or not knowing what to do--I took my personal trainer certification very seriously, and I have done enough continuing ed. to know how to lift properly.

How's this for an eye opener**: I did almost a month of yoga, often twice a day, and had NO injuries. If anything, I saw a reduction in the inflammation in my knee, and I regained some of the stability in my ankle. But three (THREE!) non-consecutive days in the gym, and my knee is swollen, my ankle aches, I strained my left hamstring, and I threw out my lower back.

I tried to go to work, but just walking from my car to the store was a feat in and of itself--having sat down all morning and again in the car, I guess I put my lower back into spasm. It hurts to sit right now. I've been lying on my stomach for the last 5 hours, hoping that the pain will go away. Can you say IcyHot?

Le sigh.

I came to a conclusion, however. A conclusion that physically and emotionally pains me on a level about the same as that of my back injury: I'm putting an indefinite hold on going back to the gym.

It's been a year since I moved back to Florida, and in that time: I ruined my right shoulder doing lateral raises (it's still weak and needs serious work). I threw out my back doing deadlifts (110 lbs, when I should have stuck to 95). I stress fractured my ankle, and then developed a bursitis in my knee.

I'd been eating nothing but protein--a figure competitor's diet, without the figure competitor's intensity to back it up. I gained almost 40 lbs. I elevated my liver enzymes.

In other words: I messed up again.

Since I started the Bikram thing, I went vegan.*** My body started healing itself. I stopped counting calories (first time in a long time), and I actually lost 10 lbs. I had intended to stop the vegan thing after that first month, but I think I'm going to roll with it, and see where it takes me. Maybe not so strictly, but, it feels right, so why not?

I need a change. So, so badly. I chopped my hair off (again. finally.). I went out and sang karaoke for the first time in months. I'm hoping to maybe get Kay's Cookies back up and running, or to find a good alternative. I need to do something, because just doing the same thing over and over again everyday isn't working out for me.

I have a friend who keeps asking if I'm willing to change. I've been putting a lot of thought into it--I promise. Your words haven't fallen on deaf ears. I'm looking for a solution.

I'll steal a phrase from Bikram, to be set in motion as soon as I can get up off of my stomach and back into the studio:

Start again, start again.

Kaila

PS It's my little dog's birthday. She is my reason for being, and I thank the universe every single day for putting her in my life. Happy 4th Birthday, Frida!

*Sorry for the random. I think my brain melted over the past month, so I can't promise that anything you read on here will make sense.
**Which is how I got my eyes to reopen post curveball impact...
***I already wasn't eating dairy, so cutting out other animal products hasn't been that hard...just keeping an eye out (augh, pun not intended!) for things like using bee pollen in my oatmeal at breakfast has been the hard part.