You're very tight here.

It's official. The woman who just released my back deserves a medal.

Because I've now spent half a week on my butt, and because I can't afford to have that continue into this weekend (due to the fact that it's the most important weekend I've had career-wise in a year, and I have to be able to stand, move around, and otherwise be dynamic and not-injured), I sought out professional help for my back issues.

I have gone to Body Kneads Massage in Boca before--they do chiropractic massage, etc., etc., and I've had them do deep tissue and sports massages for me back when I was still lifting heavy and trying to be a bikini competitor. Everyone I've worked with has done a pretty darn good job, so I decided to use my day off (and their summer massage special) to go and see if they couldn't help me out.

Boy, did they ever.

I ended up working with Estefania, who, in my humble, slightly biased, post-massaged opinion, might just be the greatest human being ever. This massage wasn't just a "hey, let me dig into your various body parts and see how hard I can press," or even a dinky "let me rub your shoulders for an hour." This was a "hey-where-did-that-bruise-come-from, elbow-in-my-glute, thumbs-or-trigger-point-seeking-missiles" kind of massage.

The very first thing she said to me once I was on the table was, "You're very tight here." Probably not a good sign, when she was only talking about my forearms. She moved to my pecs, and remarked, "You're very tight here." Fortunately, that's normal. Years of rounded shoulders, heavy backpacks and purses, computer-desk-hunching, and other symptoms of the typical American lifestyle contribute to that.

Then she moved to my back. She literally gasped. And then she said, "You're very tight here." Understatement of the century.

In order to better work the back, though, she had to release the glute (and in an ironic twist, I was "very tight here.") and the hamstring, and then even the fascia of my back. So much pain; so much necessary, glorious pain. And then the shoulders, which were tight, and then into my neck for some of the most intense myofascial release I've ever had there.

That said, I feel incredible, bruises and all. Obviously I'm not in any condition to go bend myself into any form of padahastasana,* but I feel like I will be able to make it through tomorrow and then the weekend at work.

So no yoga for another couple (several?) days...which is killing me. But soon enough. Soon enough.

And no more gym. Sigh.

Alright...off to study, run errands, and clean the house (carefully).

Kaila

*I promised one of my managers two days ago that I'm going to try going a whole quarter without a major injury. Wish me luck....

What a pain in the...back.

This serves me right.

I'm half-sitting here in my local whole foods while I wait for an appropriate time to go to work. I'm leaning mostly on my right side (getting a small amount of compression going, so I can extend the left side as much as possible without lying down), half-sunk underneath the table with my leg extended in front of me. I keep getting shooting pains down my left arm and into my ring finger (though those might just be sympathy pains for all of my crazy friends who decided that 24 was a good age at which to get married). It hurts to put full pressure on my left leg.

In other words, I'm a mess. Again. And I totally deserve it. I'm not cut out for this resistance training thing, apparently. At least not in the traditional meathead, iron pumping, gym rat sense. I get the message, Universe. I'm gonna stick with yoga for now, okay?

Well, not exactly for now. For now, I'm attempting to stay mobile.

I had the last two days off (one, an actual day off; the other, a no-way-around-it sick day). I spent the first day in bed just resting, and so when I woke up yesterday, I was feeling a lot better.

Now, when I have days off from work, I use them to their fullest. Because, as much as I hate to admit this, being healthy is a chore. My food choices--fresh, unprocessed, often produce-based--require massive amounts of prep work if I want to set myself up for meal-planning success during the week.

Because my schedule is unpredictable and requires me to be away from my personal refrigerator or kitchen tools for long periods of time, I have to make sure that all of my meals and snacks for the week have been made in advance. I'll often prep large batches of vegetables, grains (like quinoa or the amazing skillet full of black japonica rice that I made yesterday), and main dishes (like black bean/brown rice/sweet potato burgers or chickpeas and quinoa with tahini sauce) and freeze them for use throughout the week.

The problem with this is that I have to do all of this work in one day--and then clean up afterward.

I spent all of yesterday on my feet, first at the Boy's Farmer's Market, Publix, and Whole Foods (because prices and availability differ between each, so I try to stretch my dollar as far as it will go), and later in the kitchen cooking and cleaning.

By 6 pm, I thought my back was going to give out. I got in bed for a little while to take the pressure off of my back. By 9 pm, I literally couldn't get out of bed. Ask my roommates, and they'll tell you that the noises they heard as I tried to first hoist (and then roll) myself out of bed and then actually put pressure on my left leg were cause for alarm.

Fortunately, a little bit of sleep helped ease some of the pain, and I started off this morning at a 4. But as I've been out and about, being as productive as possible (from making my breakfast juice and then doing the dishes, taking care of my dog, and then running some errands, well, my situation has started to go downhill. We're at a 6 six right now, and I'm hoping that 9 hours on my feet today won't cause any further worsening of the situation (hey, a girl can dream, right?).

I'm so mad at myself, it's not even funny. But at least I've definitely, definitely learned my lesson. No amount of ab definition or glute strength or whatever is worth another week without exercise. I'm sick of "healing." I'm ready for that word to be past tense!

Alright....off to the races.*

Kaila


*I'll be the girl lying down at the starting line.

(I'm) Back

Hi there.

It's been a while.

Sorry for the absence, but, as per usual, life threw a couple of curveballs at me, and I let them hit me square in the eyes. And do you have any idea how hard it is to blog without eyes?

...


Exactly.*

Anyway.

Without going too much into detail, I earned the promotion I was working for while I started my blog, and now I have lot of responsibilities--which I am still learning how to balance. My schedule changed, and so the 30 Day Bikram challenge was cut short for me at Day 19, but I had been trying to make my practice as regular as possible...

...and then I went back to the gym. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. It's my temple, my house of meditation, my me time...but I think I finally have to concede that my body simply cannot handle traditional resistance training. I know it's not the result of poor form or not knowing what to do--I took my personal trainer certification very seriously, and I have done enough continuing ed. to know how to lift properly.

How's this for an eye opener**: I did almost a month of yoga, often twice a day, and had NO injuries. If anything, I saw a reduction in the inflammation in my knee, and I regained some of the stability in my ankle. But three (THREE!) non-consecutive days in the gym, and my knee is swollen, my ankle aches, I strained my left hamstring, and I threw out my lower back.

I tried to go to work, but just walking from my car to the store was a feat in and of itself--having sat down all morning and again in the car, I guess I put my lower back into spasm. It hurts to sit right now. I've been lying on my stomach for the last 5 hours, hoping that the pain will go away. Can you say IcyHot?

Le sigh.

I came to a conclusion, however. A conclusion that physically and emotionally pains me on a level about the same as that of my back injury: I'm putting an indefinite hold on going back to the gym.

It's been a year since I moved back to Florida, and in that time: I ruined my right shoulder doing lateral raises (it's still weak and needs serious work). I threw out my back doing deadlifts (110 lbs, when I should have stuck to 95). I stress fractured my ankle, and then developed a bursitis in my knee.

I'd been eating nothing but protein--a figure competitor's diet, without the figure competitor's intensity to back it up. I gained almost 40 lbs. I elevated my liver enzymes.

In other words: I messed up again.

Since I started the Bikram thing, I went vegan.*** My body started healing itself. I stopped counting calories (first time in a long time), and I actually lost 10 lbs. I had intended to stop the vegan thing after that first month, but I think I'm going to roll with it, and see where it takes me. Maybe not so strictly, but, it feels right, so why not?

I need a change. So, so badly. I chopped my hair off (again. finally.). I went out and sang karaoke for the first time in months. I'm hoping to maybe get Kay's Cookies back up and running, or to find a good alternative. I need to do something, because just doing the same thing over and over again everyday isn't working out for me.

I have a friend who keeps asking if I'm willing to change. I've been putting a lot of thought into it--I promise. Your words haven't fallen on deaf ears. I'm looking for a solution.

I'll steal a phrase from Bikram, to be set in motion as soon as I can get up off of my stomach and back into the studio:

Start again, start again.

Kaila

PS It's my little dog's birthday. She is my reason for being, and I thank the universe every single day for putting her in my life. Happy 4th Birthday, Frida!

*Sorry for the random. I think my brain melted over the past month, so I can't promise that anything you read on here will make sense.
**Which is how I got my eyes to reopen post curveball impact...
***I already wasn't eating dairy, so cutting out other animal products hasn't been that hard...just keeping an eye out (augh, pun not intended!) for things like using bee pollen in my oatmeal at breakfast has been the hard part.

Getting the blood pumping...

So, I'm going to have to make tonight's post short and sweet, since I'm typing a bit more slowly than usual given the fact that I managed to put my blender's manufacturer's claims about blade sharpness to the test with my finger.

In other words, I'm out a pair of yellow rubber gloves.

Anyway.

I had an interesting yoga class today...I wasn't too excited about going, since I'm sort of hitting the one-week wall. I've been to seven classes in five days, and methinks my body doth protest too much. I remember reading somewhere that the health of your feet is an indicator of the health of the rest of your body, and the fact that my ankle is still hurting & my heel is still swollen is a little worrisome (not to mention the fact that the bursitis on my knee still isn't fully gone).

But I went to yoga regardless. I already set the intention not to push myself too hard, so that I could use today more as a restorative day than anything else.

Interestingly enough, it was hot and humid enough outside today to have done Bikram in the great outdoors. Which is why, when a mini hurricane broke out over our studio and caused a blackout, the room stayed hot enough to continue class without light or heat.

It was a really amazing experience. At first, my concentration was absolutely shot--the lights went out in the middle of Garurasana, and I have enough trouble balancing on one leg with the lights on and my focus in the mirror!

Garurasana (Eagle Pose)

My eyes adjusted through Dandyamana-Janushirasana, and as the class progressed, because I was only seeing outlines, I had to concentrate harder than I've ever concentrated before. Even our teacher commented during the final Savasana, "I think this was the most focused class I've ever taught."

Dandyamana-Janushirasana (Standing Head-to-Knee Pose)

Anyway, I'm off to bed, since I have some yoga-ing to do in the morning before work...My body is actually feeling better than when I went to the studio today, so I guess something worked.

I'll leave you with a thought from one of my teachers yesterday:

"Savasana is like the weekend; it never feels long enough."

Savasana (Dead Body Pose)

Namaste!

Some Like it Hot...

If you know me, then you know I'm the kind of person who goes to extremes when it comes to fitness.

I don't just resistance train; I become a bodybuilder.

I don't just go for a run; I do it barefoot and at 4:30 am.

It stands to reason that when I decide to do yoga, it sure as hell isn't going to be 30 minutes of deep breathing in savasana.

So of course I'd end up sweating my rear end off through 26 postures and two breathing exercises for 90 minutes in a room heated to 105 degrees.

I fell into Bikram yoga almost two years ago, when I was home from Columbia & debating whether or not I wanted to go back (see: this post for a recap). Depressed & looking for a change, I decided to try yoga...and the closest yoga studio to my mom's house happened to be Bikram Yoga Boca Raton. So I grabbed two towels, a yoga mat, and a bottle of water, signed up for my first class, and fell in love.

Back in NY, I made the commitment to go back to grad school, and sweating through my daily practice at Bikram Yoga Harlem helped me keep my cool (bad pun intended). Taking the subway uptown in my winter gear, I would get in my daily practice & then go to the Hungarian Pastry Shop to write. It was the perfect way to bring balance back into my life.

Of course, all fairy tales end the same way in the face of reality: money & time were not on my side. Given the fact that I was living off of what was left of my savings as well as attending 5 classes and 4 shows a week, the expensive 90 minute classes (bookended with 30-45 minutes of prep & travel time in both directions) were just not doable.

On top of that, I (being me) managed to overdo it & overstretch my hamstrings to the point that I couldn't comfortably walk for a few weeks.

I went back to the gym & only dabbled in Bikram when I could get up to the studio. And when summer hit & I started going to the gym hardcore, yoga & stretching became the furthest thing from my mind.

But now that I can't do impact exercise (and I refuse to sit on my butt anymore), Bikram has come back into my life. I started going to Bikram Yoga Delray Beach, which is a really fantastic studio. I enjoy my practice even more now than I did months ago, because I'm more aware of the limitations of my body. My leg is still in pain, but I know how far I can push it and still get the benefits of the postures.

My friend Steve, who also goes to the studio, mentioned that BYDB was doing a 30 day challenge: 30 classes in 30 days. Which is insane.

So of course I'm doing it.

I've made it through the first 6 classes, although I've had to do two doubles (a morning class & an evening class) to catch up after missing classes due to my work schedule.

Today was a double, so, while my body is a pile of jelly, my mind's in a beautiful state.

I'm hoping that this challenge will help me hit the reset button for my brain and for my body. I want to be able to go back to the gym & start strength training again, but this time I'm going to make sure that I leave time to restore.

With that said, I'm off to sleep...I've got some yoga to do tomorrow, & I want to be rested and ready for it!

Namaste!

For those of you playing along at home...

Now I have this: 

Which might be this: 

     or

Which was (probably?) caused by this: 

 Which I'm wearing because of this: 

Which I bought because of this: 

Wellness Cardio Challenge (May-July)

But at least I got a cool shirt out of it. 

Oh...hey there, blogosphere. Long time no see.

Aaaaaaand I'm back.

Hi there. 

Did you miss me? 

 I missed you. 

I'm sorry for the writerly hiatus, but all of my creative faculties were consumed by the determination to acquire more functional technical knowledge. 

In other words, I've been studying a lot of tech stuff.

That, and since this is a fitness blog, and my fitness has been placed on hold, it's been hard to come up with anything interesting or relevant to write about.*

But now I'm back. And I'm going to do my best to stay back. 

So a quick update for now:

--The knee is healing up nicely. All that's left is a slightly pressure-sensitive bump on the top of my kneecap, which isn't noticeable to you unless you're looking, and isn't noticeable to me unless I kneel down or try to put on a pair of jeans.

--The ankle is just pretty much the same. It's not excruciating; it's simply annoying. I fatigue after standing on it for too long, and the air cast is pretty much useless. I'm over it.

--It has been a month since I have been in the gym, and I'm not okay with that.

--I've been eating more, better, and I've actually started introducing more variety into my diet. Quinoa for breakfast? I think so.

--Eating more and not exercising is messing with my head.

--My life has been reduced to waking up, going to work, playing with my amazing new operating system, cuddling with my dog, and looking at food porn.

--I need a change.

That's all for now. I'll be back soon--I promise.

Kaila

*i.e. the fact that I can't work out is depressing, and it makes me not want to write.